Life Can Turn On A Dime

This morning my best friend learned that his 47 year old brother, an otherwise healthy man, died of a brain aneurysm quite suddenly.

I am in a bit of shock.

It reminds me of how precious the gift of life is. Life can turn on a dime. It seems like such a waste to spend time doing anything but living your life with as much joy as possible. 

Eat... Pray... Love...Again?

The Universe speaks, but are we listening?

After my recent "eye opener," it is little surprise that I would find a major "pull" from within to watch the recent Julia Roberts film "EAT PRAY LOVE." I simply knew I needed to see this movie. Initially, I asked friends to go and everyone said, hey it's a "chick flick."- even my female friends!

Undeterred I went alone, and it was like the movie was speaking to me. I am not one to cry at movies but it touched on something that let the tears flow, a longing for connection with Life and others on a deeper level or maybe for an experience of Love for myself and another that I have yet to experience. I don't know but, it came at just the right time.

I may not have my bags backed for a trip to Rome, India, or Bali, but I am definitely ready for the inner transformation. So, until I book my flight on Orbitz, I will start at home with a bit of meditation, continued appreciation for what I now have and focus on being more "SELF-centered" until my appetite for Life is as rich and vibrant as I want it to be.

In the words of Beyonce, I'm gonna "LISTEN to the song here in my heart...." Where it takes me will be where it takes me. 

Check out "Eat Pray Love"! You may find the Universe is speaking to you as well...

Riding "The Rapids" With My Eyes Wide Open!

I have not been blogging much lately, because well... I have been a little shell shocked by some of life's endless mysteries- human interaction. It would seem the Universe has been sending me lessons and in my best effort to ignore them, the Universe kept hammering away until I finally relented and asked "What the hell is all this about?"


What the hell is he talking about, you ask?

Lately, I have been working on embracing my life and creating the life I want to live. That has not been as easy as I imagined it would be. I had some strange yet ultimately wonderful realizations that gave me answers to those "dark night of the soul" questions we scream out to God when we want to blame someone other than ourselves for why life just isn't working as planned.

The first strange realization - I have been creating the experiences of my life, and they just weren't what I wanted. They were what I expected.  While I have gotten very clear on the life I want to be living,  I forgot that I can't make the changes I want until I seriously address the thinking that has gotten me to where I am now. I guess you could say I have been "thinking positive on the outside" but it hadn't penetrated the negative thinking that has rented space in my brain for years and was not interested in complying with my eviction notice. However, I am in it for the long haul, so, I must literally kill my old thoughts with kindness until they leave on their own.

How am I doing this?

Well, I am finally starting to understand the idea of appreciating what you have in the present moment because that is all we really have. I hadn't noticed, I have been so focused on defining my life by wanting things that have yet to come, I wasn't enjoying the things that had come. In essence, I am now learning to live in the moment.  It is actually quite enjoyable.

My mantra is "I am where I am and that's okay." It's a short little phrase but it has the powerful ability to quiet the negative self-talk's rant. Usually, I would get myself into this space of expecting good things to happen and then when they didn't or didn't appear as expected, that little nasty voice just kept saying "you're dreaming if you think you are something special." In other words, I never dealt with the ingrained negative inner voice so I default to the negative almost automatically. With this new understanding, I am becoming more conscious. In time, the tape will change. I know that we experience in our lives what we focus on. The trouble is when  we don't acknowledge our negative inclinations of thought, we cannot make the real life changes necessary to create the life we want for ourselves. So, this is where I am and that's okay because knowing what I need to work on gives me a concrete place from which to initiate change. 

My second strange realization - "Like really does attract like." So, in my journey of being more conscious in my own life, I have found that I have surrounded myself with friends who are "vibrating" on the same wave of thought that I am. Now, I have many friends and not all share my way of thinking towards the negative, but those I am most close to do. Is that a coincidence? I don't think so?

Actually, I never thought much about it until I tried living this new way of thinking with my friends. The end result, disaster- in the short term, so far. It unfortunately, took me a bit by surprise. As I consciously worked on speaking positively about situations happening in my life rather than focusing on the negative, I found unexpected resistance from my friends. From many as I spoke positively, they found it strange and something to make fun of, as if I were making a joke. Suddenly, we were no longer commiserating over each others shitty experiences. Hence topics quickly moved from what was going on with each of us to what problems they had. The conflict gained steam when the usual question of  "what do I do?" with this or that was met with anything other than "yeah you're right that sucks", boy did people get annoyed. I wasn't holding up my end of the "misery game" we got use to playing.

Suddenly, I was the "postive thinking nut" and they were keeping it real. On my end I was not wanting to focus on the negative which became harder to do when the habit has been to go negative. So, I felt alone, and sometimes silly in feeling mocked for wanting to be positive in a sea of negativity. The strange thing was the same conflict was arising with different friends who didn't even know each other. This should have been a red flag.

Eventually, after a very ugly class with a friend who wanted to use me as their object of abuse to vent their unhappiness, I myself grew amazingly angry as I was unable to stop the verbal attacking. I was so angry I stayed mad for days as I felt violated as lines had been crossed and I expected an apology and acknowledgement that I had been a victim.  It took me a good week to realize that I allowed myself to take on the role of "victim" and had such a need for others to validate my way of thinking that I did not see that no one has the power to affect you unless you give it to them. I also realized that I became uncomfortable in situations with close friends because I was wanting them to validate that my thinking was right but I didn't truly believe it myself. If I had, then no amount of negative talk from others would trigger annoyance in me. It was like the Universe held up a neon sign saying, "Deal with your own crap and stop waiting for others to give you permission to live." 

Wow, that was a serious wake up call. Again, until I deal with the negative voice inside, no real change can take root. Two different areas, two major lessons on the same subject.

No one said taking responsibility for the life you create was gonna be a piece of cake. However, the benefits definitely outweigh remaining hostage to one's past and the thinking it engendered.

So, I am navigating the waters of life with a better toolkit to fix what needs to be fixed as I go. Who would have thought "positive thinking" actually required conscious work to actually be useful?

That's okay. It is always better to ride the rapids with your eyes opened rather than closed. It makes the adventure all the sweeter.

Benefits of Coconut Consumption

For those of you interested in starting to investigate some of the benefits of increasing your consumption of fresh coconuts and extra virgin coconut oil, I found this youtube clip created by psychetruth who talks about many of the things I found in my own investigation all in one clip. Hope you find it useful. Enjoy!  

"Coo coo" for Coconuts!

I am not a dieter. Simply put... I enjoy food! I hoped to make a shift to a vegan lifestyle, then opted for a less rigid vegetarian regime until I realized that I enjoy fish, all forms of seafood actually and the occasional dish of red meat. However, with a goal of moving from 210 lbs to the ideal body weight somewhere in the 170's, what is a food lover suppose to do?

Try eating unrefined virgin coconut in as many forms as possible.

I have over the past few months have been seriously looking at my food issues since I trained and ran the 2010 LA marathon and literally saw no difference in my weight. Why? Well, despite the fact that I ran a significant amount of 2009 in preparation for the big event, my eating habits were terrible. I rarely ate fresh fruits and vegetables in their raw or cooked states. In fact the majority of my food consumption was of the processed variety. I bought into the marketing madness of the "nutrition" of these foods when in actuality my body was not reflecting this fictional "nutrition".

So, I swung completely into attempting my above mentioned switch to vegan/vegetarian living but the shock was so extreme that my taste buds could not adapt and craved the junk of processed foods. Then I came across some research on the benefits of Extra Virgin Coconut oil and coconuts. Realizing, I grew up eating a lot of coconuts, coconut milk and coconut oil on a regular basis, I thought it wouldn't hurt to "return home" so to speak. It is funny how you can make changes going into adulthood that you never realize the ramifications of until years down the road.

Starting about a month ago, I decided to not adopt any diet whatsoever. The only change I made was to reincorporate my childhood eating habits, instilled in me by my mother's own cooking style, by cooking with extra virgin coconut oil instead of olive oil, adding both types of fresh coconut into my food consumption, as well as adding coconut cream to cooking and drinking coconut milk on a daily basis. Aside from that, I made no conscious effort to change what I ate.

To my surprise, these simple additions profoundly affected my taste buds and increased my enjoyment of stir fried fresh vegetables, fresh fruit and a wide range of fresh seafood. Without consciously trying, processed foods dropped off my shopping list. I stopped craving sweets, but allow myself to enjoy an occasional chocolate cannolli in place of my regular munching of snickers bars and kitkats. Have you ever actually read the ingredients in those things?

I will admit, watching "Food Inc." has forced me to drop the eating of any foods that contain corn and corn by-products, not for dietary reasons as much as a protest against corporate manipulation of our food industry. This protest while at first difficult became completely a non-issue since incorporating coconut back into my life.

I will be honest, I never thought I could let go of my addition to junk food until now because the cravings just went away. "Resisting" which is always the biggest hurdle to overcome when dieting is not an issue for me. If I want to eat something I eat it. However, the impulse for filling my sweet tooth with junk has been replaced with finding a new exotic fruit to try or a nice cannolli made at a neighborhood Italian deli. Yes, it may not be a healthy choice but it is an indulgence and not a habit.

In the end, I have found this subtle lifestyle change has brought so many benefits, I see no reason to ever think of dieting again. Without exercising other than my regular runs, I have moved toward my goal weight, effortlessly, to my current weight of 186lbs. I trust I will be at my ideal weight of the 170's  in no time as I get back to the gym.

There is something to the medium chain fatty acids that makes the saturated fat coconuts are known for actually good for you. I will encourage everyone who is interested to do your own research. It works for me and that is all I am able to confirm. I am no scientist or wacky health nut. I am just getting back to my roots and finally appreciating my mother for building in me a love of all things coconut that I am once again embracing to my delight and nutritional benefit!  .Life is good.Thanks, Mom!!

OH, HAPPY DAY!!!!

Have ya heard the news? Prop 8 was struck down by the California Supreme Court opening the door for equality for all Californians, allowing same sex partners the rights afforded to heterosexual couples. Oh HAPPY DAY!!!

This reminded me of a hilarious skit my friend Hope Shapiro performed and had posted on the subject and I have to post it here. Regardless of how anyone may feel on the subject, this clip just made me laugh!! Laughter is always good!

Going Where The Road Takes Me!

Well, it has been a while since I have had time to post. I am happy that I have been busy with an increased number of auditions for film and television projects and the start of a new semester of my acting group.

Unfortunately, I have not landed any jobs yet. However, I am optimistic as I can feel a change in the winds of my career. I have been focusing on getting more auditions so I could ascertain if I was fighting a losing battle in an industry geared toward a teen-aged audience.  I believed I still had a chance and now I know opportunity is still open. Now, I must focus with everything in me to get so good at my craft, they can't help but want to hire me. Iy is all about putting my thoughts where I want my life to be. This doesn't mean it will be easy but it doesn't have to be difficult either!

In my acting group, this semester I am jumping off the cliff with my acting. I am pushing the limits and discovering some new things about myself that I am bringing into my work and loving every minute of it!

I think my biggest challenge is staying connected to my positive energy and resisting falling into the negative triggers I have made a habit of reacting to from friends and others. It is not always easy to remember when others or yourself is negative, it usually has little to do with the person on the receiving end! I do look forward to the time when I shift to "staying connected to the positive" is my default thinking position rather than a new skill to be acquired.