Allowing My Life to Be What I Want It To Be

I have been taking a bit of a hiatus from technology and getting back to basics. Instead of watching cable, checking emails or logging onto facebook, I looked at my bookshelves and decided to do some reading. Just started a memoir by Peter Fonda. Wow, I did not know just how rough a life the Fonda kids had, despite the appearances of a magical life with a famous father. I also started an acting technique book to keep building my skills.

Tomorrow I am starting the novel "The Talented Mr. Ripley" since we will be working on the screenplay in my acting group. I decided to approach my work this semester as if I got the part so hopefully the novel will give me valuable insight when doing my scene work and character building.

All in all life is very good. My objective, of late is to put my focus as much as possible on creating the life I want and not thinking of what is not working. So, while I am not working professionally, my classwork will be approached as if it is professional work and not just something for class. It is all a choice but I believe it will help me work harder and lessen the chances of "phoning  in" the work or just being lazy.

My new approach has been inspired by the two books The Law of Attraction and Money and the Law of Attraction by Ester and Jerry Hicks - part of the Teachings of Abraham series of books. What I love about both books is the emphasis on using your thoughts and emotions to guide you in achieving the life you want. They are all about the journey being joyful not about the getting of things.For them life is about living in "alignment" with Well-Being.It is an interesting perspective because I do believe the joy is in the journey but in actuality I wasn't living that belief in my own life.

So the getting of anything is an indicator of being "in alignment" or "out of alignment" as opposed to the driving force of your life. You can focus on the "What is" reality of your life or focus on the "what you want". Initially as I tried focusing on what I wanted I found myself dwelling on what was not working and getting depressed about whether the future would ever turn out as I wanted regarding my acting career. Eventually, I started just trying to have fun with spending 15 minutes each day just thinking "Wouldn't it be wonderful if..." and proceeding to think positive affirming thoughts  about my career and allowing money to flow into my life from sources known and unknown. To my surprise, the next day I got an audition. The day after, I got a refund of nearly $1000.00 from the IRS for a mistake I made on my tax return. Whether anyone else thinks of it as coincidence or luck, I don't care. It was for me an example of how life flows when I stay in a positive space. And aside from these instances, I found I have just been so much happier in my day because I was never so conscious of just how much time I spent being afraid, or nervous or depressed and stuck in a "life sucks" mode.  So given a choice I would rather expect good things to happen and enjoy them when they arrive instead of expect the worst then continue to beat myself up about what is not working. Life is just too short to waste seeking confirmation of the negative when being positive is so much more fun! 

It is not a simple thing changing your thoughts from a decade or two of negativity to one of positive expectation but it is worth the journey. I feel as if I have not been present in my life until now.
 If I wasn't trying to be super happy, I was wallowing in fear. At this stage in the game I am simply allowing myself to be open to how I am feeling as a gauge and enjoying imagining the possibilities of how wonderful life can be. In the process I have spent less time dealing with runaway stress and more in a state of hope and a genuine feeling of joy. It has been pretty effective to catch myself feeling negative and say "hey where I am is where I am and that's okay." Talk about a powerful diffuser. 

I am planning to take the plunge sometime this month and drop my cable service. As I focus more on my acting and creating what I want, I am loving listening to music more (there's nothing like a little Jazz in the evening) and reading a good book. The desire to "vegetate" in front of the tv is not as appealing as it use to be.

Well, time for some Miles Davis and another chapter of Peter Fonda's life to get my evening into a pleasant space.

The Magic of Movies Never Fails To Inspire...

Embracing my life is so much more fun than I ever imagined it could be!

I just got back from watching the film  The Secret In Their Eyes at the Laemmle 7 theater in Pasadena. I was captivated by the story and the fantastic performances. There is something about French and Spanish language films. Those movies never fail to inspire me.

The actors have an emotional depth that I often feel surpasses American actors. Soledad Villamil, Ricardo Darin, and Jose Luis Gioia gave nuanced performances that inspired me to want to be a better actor.. Their characters were very real and not, in my opinion, compromised to service the plot. I would love to know what their training techniques are all about. How can I access the techniques that could fill my work with such emotional intensity? This is something I must investigate.

The beauty I found in this film is how as an American, I watched the film with certain expectations of how the thriller would unfold. However, it is not an American film so the direction it took forced my brain to shift and go down a road that was new to me. I loved it and hungered for more!

Growing Every Chance I Get

I had an audition on Monday for an independent film. I worked on that sucker for most of the weekend. I think it went well but I noticed my competition was the guy who played was in the new Star trek movie. Logically grabbing him up would immediately give them some name recognition to market their film with. Barring a lousy  audition on his part, I think he has the part in the bag. Oh, well. Still, one never knows but I am trying to move on with the satisfaction of giving a good performance at my audition.

One thing that became abundantly clear is that I have to work as hard or harder for every audition as I did for this last one. The fact is my competition is tough and skilled and I need to continually grow as an actor if I want to succeed. Time for me to Embrace Life, my life and the direction I want it to take!

So, tonight, I decided to go see a really good film to do a little studying and to get some inspiration. My friend Kristin decided to join me tonight to check out The Secret in Their Eyes or "El Secreto De Sus Ojos" the 2010 Oscar Winner for Best Foreign Film.

WAKA,, WAKA !

It's time for the World Cup 2010!!

USA is about to take on England in a first round match up! GO USA!

I freely admit I have never been much of a sports fan but, there is something about learning more about a sport played around the world that has captured my imagination! Never understood why this sport is not popular in the US as it is in so many other countries. Well, I guess I will start checking out the USA team in the World Cup and then start following the LA Galaxy team whether they have Beckham or not!

Here's The USA Team's schedule so far:

	England	vs.			United States					-	Jun 12 11:30am (PT) on ABC
	Slovenia	vs.			United States					-	Jun 18 7:00am (PT) on ESPN
	United States	vs.			Algeria					-	Jun 23 7:00am (PT) on ESPN

In honor of the only real worldwide sport,futbol, here is Shakira doing what she does best!!

Making New Choices and Telling New Stories

The journey keeps providing me with opportunities to start "walking the walk" as they say. I decided on Monday to make my commitment to health and re-sculpting my body a major priority. So I woke up at 6 am, having breakfast and beginning a 3 mile run to my gym. When I got to the gym I pushed myself to do more sets and build up my weightlifting slowly so I can enjoy the small victories rather than let my ego dictate my progress. Afterward, I jogged back home and prepared to embrace the day with enthusiasm.

Later that night I guess the Universe decided to see if I was really no longer in need of a bully. My friend called and in his usual fashion tried to trigger me. However, I was feeling so good and not interested in being triggered. Not taking his bait he decided to go for where he thought he would be able to get me. Smoking. He asked me if I was still smoking. I told him I have been back and forth but now I am focusing on getting in shape and hoped it would lose its hold as I enjoyed working out more. He continued to tell me I would get lung cancer and die but he would not be taking care of me when I am approaching death as his "humorous" way of trying to scare me.  He kept trying to bait me. He said he feels since I have been smoking for so long that I would never be successful by focusing on exercise but should go get help. I said I am choosing right now to stop smoking and use exercise as my focus to stay on track. He argued for my failure. I told him I don't discuss my smoking with him because when  I have told him I was quitting in the past he makes jokes about how my quitting is a "joke" and when I do smoke he constantly talks of me dying. In the end, I said, my smoking or quitting is not about anyone else but me. I told him he can decide to be a friend and support my journey or he can make this about being "right". He decided to be a friend.

So what was that out-of- the-blue telephone debate my friend and I had about my smoking really about? One aspect is, it is simply the most logical next step to stop smoking if my priority is better help and re-sculpting my body. My friend bringing it up as a futile battle provided me with a means of challenging myself to get real about how committed I was to change. Normally, I would be more upset about my friend but he is irrelevant. My intuition was telling me the time is right to take this journey but with a deeper awareness of what I am doing and why I am doing it. In a strange way, I feel more empowered because things seem to be falling into place.

I am on day four of my daily run and workout sessions. I have been feeling amazing. My eating habits have also begun to change, I am shifting to 6 small meals instead of 3 big ones and will see how that affects my routine.

I also, decided to start telling a new story.  No longer will I tell the "worn out story about quitting smoking", that just keeps me in the cycle of "Will I/Won't I" fail.  After this blog post, I will be focusing on getting healthy and cigarettes have no place in the story of my healthy life.           

I must admit much of this week has been so successful because I rediscovered my I-Pod and the effect music has on me!. Having to reload I-Tunes and all of my music cds, I decided to make a three hour exercise mix of music that would motivate me.  It has been amazing! I don't think about anything but how good I feel. My favorite song has lately been "Listen" from "Dreamgirls" sung by Beyonce!  It seems to speak to where I am right now and it leaves me charged up!

I look forward to getting more and more wrapped up in my wellness routine. My biggest challenge has actually been the shift to  6 small meals.

Satisfied and Eager for More...

I have been enjoying the journey of my life this week. It would seem that as I have had my big life lessons, my intuitive nature is providing me with opportunity after opportunity to make better choices with how I am reacting to things. I have been discovering that I don't have to see situations as examples of why my life is not working but as examples of how my life IS working in alignment with who I am.

It's funny that with the experience of re-loading a variety of programs I have lost from the computer virus attack, I have been metaphorically given a "do-over". With having to assess what programs I have that I no longer really need or use or never got around to updating out of laziness opened my eyes a bit.. In having to replace my passwords, I saw what sites I relied on the computer to remember things for me and now I had to create a new password after asking for assistance for what I forgot. This time however, I decided to keep a list of usernames and passwords that I now store in my home safe on a trusty piece of paper. Sometimes "old school" just makes sense. 

Why are any of these rather mundane situations of any value? Well, I am finding my mind at peace allows for "seeing the lesson" available to me. I took a lot of things for granted with my computer and now I am seeing the value of "protecting what matters to me" and in protecting these things I honor their value and in an interesting way feel more present in the moment. I'm not coasting on auto-pilot. This has led me to look at other areas in my life where I may be coasting on "auto-pilot" and forgetting to remain present. Amazingly this is all coming from a place of non-judgement but ease of simple observation. It's as if some part of me has snapped into alignment and in doing so has started a chain-reaction of "alignment opportunities" with which to grow from without the drama of "auto-pilot" negative reactions.

The best example of this was tonight. I went over to a friend's house who I am working with on a screenwriting project. We have been "working" on it slowly but without much headway. I have just had a block with getting invested in the project with much enthusiasm. Tonight I went over and feeling in a pretty good  space with myself, I decided to stay open and not let myself fall into being "triggered" by my friend. You see, our friendship has been a bit odd with dealing with his choice to intentionally be provocitive and me falling into anger and feeling disrespected or "victimized" by his endless negativity. In the bigger picture when we get along we get along fantastically but when he is in a space of negativity and I am in a place of negativity we click into this "trigger/feel disrespected pattern".  Now I have known mentally that no one has the power to affect you unless you give them permission. I guess I never really got it pass the "mental" level. Tonight, however, I felt a little shift of understanding that may be sign that this belief is taking root somewhere deeper in me.

Tonight, instead of working on the script, we decided spontaneously to watch the original "The Karate Kid."  It was a simple thing but it was an experience that was so filled with joy. We laughed, we each found ourselves going back in time to the joy this movie held for us "back in the day" and its resonance for us even now. The acting was great, the script was so well-crafted and the direction just did what good movies do-  take you some place within yourself that allows you to "feel good" about living and see life beyond just something to get through but to be felt and lived.  Being in the place where I am having revisited childhood issues of being bullied etc., "The Karate Kid" was an amusing synchronistic opportunity to go back with the movie to that childhood time and see that as the movie expressed, so much of that "bullying/being bullied" is about learning to get in alignment with your inner self in order to find victory on your "hero's journey".

As I left my friend's house, I drove home I thought, wow, my friend and I both have allowed ourselves to get off track with what is really important in our friendship. It is the times like tonight that matter not the negativity. I thought again about "no one can hurt you without your permission" and  something in me said, I don't need to have a "bully" in my life anymore to keep re-living that old childhood pattern. (Lightbulb Moment!)

Lesson has been learned. Since I am ready to stop being a "victim" and live in my present there is no need for a bully. I made my friend that person who helped  me continue telling that old -worn out story. Now our friendship can also move in a healthier direction. The time for new stories has arrived and it is okay to embrace them. Why? I am satisfied with where I am in my life and eager to see what lies ahead.

Feeling in a place of joy, I found myself on you-tube checking out some Abraham-Hicks clips that spoke to me.       

Protect Your Computer, Protect Your Life

At the risk of sounding like I have stock in Norton Securities, I have to say I LOVE that company!!! A few days ago I got seriously attacked by some "cyber" criminals who planted a "trojan" to get my info by infecting my computer, cutting off my internet access, my "virus/spyware protection programs and sending a FAKE spyware service  for me to buy presumably to get my credit card info.

The last few days and hours have been challenging to say the least. Luckily I had a good friend who helped me to rid my computer by saving my files and installing the latest version of Norton Securities. It was literally the only thing that helped. I had to reboot the system to rewrite and allow Norton to do its thing. It took hours but thank goodness for good friends, especially those who know a lot about computers.

I find it amusing that this experience came after my big spiritual revelation and commitment to improve my connection with my Intuition.  For whatever reason, it was no coincidence!

Generally speaking, in such potentially stress-filled situations, I tend to get incredibly angry, frustrated and ready to break something. This time around, I decided to put my money where my mouth is. I said to myself OKAY... this is a good time to trust in my intuition and let this situation play itself out with the assumption that everything will be FINE. Not surprisingly, choosing to trust allowed me to THINK and not get lost in my emotions. Yes, with the help of my friend who knew more than I imagined, things worked out. It took a lot of time but I learned so much about myself and my computer.

I initially had Norton Anti-Virus protection but when it expired I explored other cheaper options which I won't mention but I will say they fell apart when the "trojan" started it's bloody assault on my computer.  I will never leave my system without Norton Securities protection again.

To say this whole cyber-stalking adventure was a fun ride would be a joke, but I really do believe everything happens for a reason. One of my life challenges has been working on trust, well this was one BIG lesson which I hopefully passed. Either way, it did help me to see that I am the one in control of how I CHOOSE to respond to the ups and downs of life.  I can choose to get angry and upset and assume life is unfair but what does that do other than raise my stress level?


I will trust that the damage has been contained and in the event some info was stolen, the best I can do is change my passwords and deal with things as they come.

It is great  to still feel good after all this drama.

Be smart folks! Protect yourselves before attacks happen. Learn from my mistakes. I did not have back ups for my computer info or even a list of my various passwords written down. And letting my best computer security protection drop to save a few bucks was not worth the risk. I am correcting all of these errors as we speak.

With all these advances in technology, it is easy to forget that we are vulnerable out here in this magical internet universe. My eyes are now wide open. Now, I am learning how to defend myself and protect what matters in my small "cyber-kingdom" with a little "magic" of my own!