Leap of Faith or Spiritual Madness?

I am finding myself at what I could only describe as a spiritual wall. I believe that when you do what you love the money will flow. I also believe that your life is a reflection of where you place your thoughts. I guess my challenge is I love acting but in my leap of faith back to acting professionally last year has me more focused on getting work than enjoying acting.

Translation? As much as I know I have talent as an actor, the business of acting has its own set of fears. There is a degree of confidence required to go back into a field focused on the twenty-something set. I look younger than my age but bloody hell, I do not look like a twenty year old! I am thankfully, getting into my groove with the whole audition thing. It, unfortunately, has taken me a year to get to that place again where I just feel relazed in front of the camera. Now the real work begins. So my question is, has my lack of confidence and the obvious fear-related thoughts been the major factor in my not landing professional work over the past year?  The fact is while I did not book any work, I did come close but close is not booking a job. However, I have been doing a good bit of coaching where my confidence and ability has never been a question for me.

So, as my finances are dripping away, how do I use my need to make money in my chosen field motivate me to increase my confidence and improve my performance during auditions? I refuse to give up on my dream! I know that I can succeed if I can get my thoughts in line with my dreams and not my fears. Now this may be what might be deemed spiritual madness- trusting the Universe to guide me in the direction of my thoughts.  

When I think of the concept of trusting the Universe, occasionally, it feels like I am kidding myself. Yet it also makes complete sense to me.  My lack of faith usually comes up when I worry about finances. It's like a clash of reality with spirituality if that makes sense.  When things work, I see the positive thought/manifestation correlation. When things don't work, I also see the negative thought/manifestation correlation. The challenge is I just don't know how to feel that sense of confidence and positive thinking needed when my thoughts are drifting to that "fear" place.

I have no idea if I am making sense.

I just am searching for a way to feel realistic about my circumstances while remaining unshakeable in my faith that success is mine. I am going to try another leap of faith and start some experiments with rampaging on the positive and see if literally swimming in a sea of mental confidence positive visualizing will produce some literal bankable results.

Wish me luck.