Here we go the adventure continues. I find myself hitting the rewind button but not sure how to press play. You know what I mean? I feel as if I have to set in place or put into action some staples into my day that will keep me grounded. I don't know what those staples are but I am gonna start trying things and see what motivates me.
I have always had a challenge with finding a meditation technique that works. That is becoming a top priority in my mind right now. If anything will help me stay balanced I know it will involve meditation.
Just got an email that I need to prepare a monologue for the next semester of my acting class so that will be a fun activity to dig into! Should I choose something new or revive a favorite and take it to a new level? What to do?!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Digging My Way Back to Happiness
As you can see it has been a little while since my last posting. Truth be told, I fell into something of a depression a few weeks back that just left me numb. I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I felt in some weird way trapped in this neverending loop of sadness and negativity that I couldn't seem to shake. The sad thing is it all stemmed from a hurtful comment that a friend made to me out of the blue that apparently hit on a deep seated fear I held. I could not stop thinking about the comment.
Thankfully I reached a place where I was able to remember that I was choosing to feel what I was feeling and so I could choose to feel differently. Eventually I pulled myself out of it. However, what I learned from this unexpected trip to the dark side is that I have to work much harder to create the life I want for myself because let's face it, I have spent so many years believing I could not have what I want that the idea of living my dreams is not as firmly ingrained as the belief that I cannot succeed.
There was something safe and trouble free in the depression because it was familiar. Does that sound weird? Well, it is true. Assuming I could not suceed was a place I lived in for longer than I wanted to but I was use to it so it felt true and real when in fact it was only a choice I chose to believe in. Now the challenge is to hold on more firmly to the direction I want to be going in and not look back. I won't say it's my resolution for 2010 but it is my greatest challenge and focus for the new year.
I guess I realized that I am not use to being really really happy in my life and that is something I am determined to change. All of the thoughts I have expressed on this blog has been in keeping with where I want to be going and so I must remain vigilante, work the tools at my disposal and eventually life will bring me what I am focusing on. No one said this was going to be easy. But it can still be fun if I let it be.
I am learning so much about myself on this journey I am taking. I am happy with where I am and excited with what lies ahead. I welcome it with open arms!!
Thankfully I reached a place where I was able to remember that I was choosing to feel what I was feeling and so I could choose to feel differently. Eventually I pulled myself out of it. However, what I learned from this unexpected trip to the dark side is that I have to work much harder to create the life I want for myself because let's face it, I have spent so many years believing I could not have what I want that the idea of living my dreams is not as firmly ingrained as the belief that I cannot succeed.
There was something safe and trouble free in the depression because it was familiar. Does that sound weird? Well, it is true. Assuming I could not suceed was a place I lived in for longer than I wanted to but I was use to it so it felt true and real when in fact it was only a choice I chose to believe in. Now the challenge is to hold on more firmly to the direction I want to be going in and not look back. I won't say it's my resolution for 2010 but it is my greatest challenge and focus for the new year.
I guess I realized that I am not use to being really really happy in my life and that is something I am determined to change. All of the thoughts I have expressed on this blog has been in keeping with where I want to be going and so I must remain vigilante, work the tools at my disposal and eventually life will bring me what I am focusing on. No one said this was going to be easy. But it can still be fun if I let it be.
I am learning so much about myself on this journey I am taking. I am happy with where I am and excited with what lies ahead. I welcome it with open arms!!
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