Friday, December 23, 2011
Making It Through The Rain...
Well, it is another year I am unable to go home for Christmas. This time it is for a good cause. I will be going home in June for my nephew Zen's high school graduation. In the grand scheme of things that is more important to me and my family, but it doesn't make missing my family during the holidays any less emotional. It is the holidays after all.:)
It is times like this when I am having to make choices for financial reasons that I have my moment of questioning why I am doing this acting thing. The truth... I could not be happy if I did anything else.
I accepted recently however that I have been in a holding pattern in the struggling artist chapter of my life way too long. It is time to turn the page and start writing a new attitude toward my career and my life.
During a self-analysis exercise in my 12 week acting class, I discovered that while I have for years wanted to be an actor, I never actually BELIEVED it would happen for me. It is not that I openly thought that, but it was one of those lurking negative thoughts you hold in the back of your mind and mumble under your breath at moments of disappointment. The exercise allowed me to hear it and it was a bit of a shock. However, in the acknowledgement of this secret thought, I put light to it and gave myself something tangible to work on so I can eventually eliminate it from my life. If I don't believe in my own success, in whatever area of my life, who else will? I know now I will make it through the rain and I am strong enough to create the life I want for myself! It will take whatever time it takes but I will make the changes I need to make so I can enjoy this journey more than I have allowed myself in the past. Embracing the fact that there is no other career that will bring me the joy acting does, why not go for it? Fear be damned! I will make it!! I love acting more than anything else in my life. It is time to believe and allow myself to spread my wings and fly as high as I can imagine!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Go Forward With Courage
So, my temp work was extended an additional 2 weeks so I will wrap things up this Friday just before the Christmas holiday. It all worked out since I am not going home this year so I can travel back in June for my nephew's high school graduation. Such is the price of living on a budget.
As I near the end of this chapter in my "story" I am embracing the return to acting full-time. I just wrapped up the 12 week acting auditioning course and I am feeling empowered to move forward with more confidence than I had before.
Last night I watched the new film "The Artist" about a silent film star dealing with the changes as the industry transitioned to "talkies". It was a stylish tribute to silent films and it resonated for me on many levels.
The Universe speaks to us in strange ways. I'm open to listening and seeing where it takes me.
Today, I have found myself drawn to some Native American prayers and sayings which have touched my spirit and I hope will give me strength for whatever lies ahead.
Go Forward With Courage
When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists
-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage.
***
Lakota Prayer
Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust
my heart,
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious Sun.
***
"Give thanks for unknown blessings
already on their way."
***
The GREAT FATHER above a SHEPHERD CHIEF is.
I am His and with Him I want not.
He throws out to me a rope and the name of the rope is love
and He draws me to where the grass is green and the water is not dangerous,
and I eat and lie down and am satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down
but He lifts me up again draws me into a good road.
His name is WONDERFUL .
Sometimes, it may be very soon, it may be a long long time,
He will draw me into a valley.
It is dark there, but I'll be afraid not,
for it is between those mountains that the SHEPHERD CHIEF will meet me
and the hunger that I have in my heart all through life will be satisfied.
Sometimes he makes the love rope into a whip,
but afterwards He gives me a staff to lean upon.
He spreads a table before me with all kinds of foods.
He puts His hand upon my head and all the " tired " is gone.
My cup he fills till it runs over.
What I tell is true. I lie not.
These roads that are "away ahead" will stay with me
through this life and after;
and afterwards I will go to live in the Big Teepee
and sit down with the SHEPHERD CHIEF forever.
As I near the end of this chapter in my "story" I am embracing the return to acting full-time. I just wrapped up the 12 week acting auditioning course and I am feeling empowered to move forward with more confidence than I had before.
Last night I watched the new film "The Artist" about a silent film star dealing with the changes as the industry transitioned to "talkies". It was a stylish tribute to silent films and it resonated for me on many levels.
The Universe speaks to us in strange ways. I'm open to listening and seeing where it takes me.
Today, I have found myself drawn to some Native American prayers and sayings which have touched my spirit and I hope will give me strength for whatever lies ahead.
Go Forward With Courage
When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists
-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage.
***
When you were born, you cried
and the world rejoiced.
Live your life
so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
White Elk
***and the world rejoiced.
Live your life
so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
White Elk
Lakota Prayer
Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust
my heart,
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious Sun.
***
"Give thanks for unknown blessings
already on their way."
***
The GREAT FATHER above a SHEPHERD CHIEF is.
I am His and with Him I want not.
He throws out to me a rope and the name of the rope is love
and He draws me to where the grass is green and the water is not dangerous,
and I eat and lie down and am satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down
but He lifts me up again draws me into a good road.
His name is WONDERFUL .
Sometimes, it may be very soon, it may be a long long time,
He will draw me into a valley.
It is dark there, but I'll be afraid not,
for it is between those mountains that the SHEPHERD CHIEF will meet me
and the hunger that I have in my heart all through life will be satisfied.
Sometimes he makes the love rope into a whip,
but afterwards He gives me a staff to lean upon.
He spreads a table before me with all kinds of foods.
He puts His hand upon my head and all the " tired " is gone.
My cup he fills till it runs over.
What I tell is true. I lie not.
These roads that are "away ahead" will stay with me
through this life and after;
and afterwards I will go to live in the Big Teepee
and sit down with the SHEPHERD CHIEF forever.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Baby, You're Not lost...
I haven't had the focus to write over the last few months. The rollercoaster adventure I call my life has had me on a temporary hiatus from my career path as an actor. The car has been running on empty so to speak and to make ends meet I had to do a three month temp job with my old 9to5 that didn't allow me the flexibility to go out on auditions.
From a sheer survival standpoint it was truly a blessing because it came right when the funds were needed but mentally it was a bit of a blow to my confidence that I can make a go of this acting thing. I did take a 12 week acting class to keep my mind engaged in my craft but this whole period has had me take a good hard look at where my career is or isn't. The picture isn't pretty. I have major student loans coming due in January and my temp job ends next Friday so the waters may be a bit rough ahead.
I have felt a bit lost spiritually speaking from all of this but at the same time, I love a good challenge. I can only continue to trust that the Universe will continue to guide me and I will muster what strength lies dormant inside me to meet the Universe halfway. I am entering 2012 with a blind faith that everything will work out and my acting career will finally take hold.
Wish me luck!:)
From a sheer survival standpoint it was truly a blessing because it came right when the funds were needed but mentally it was a bit of a blow to my confidence that I can make a go of this acting thing. I did take a 12 week acting class to keep my mind engaged in my craft but this whole period has had me take a good hard look at where my career is or isn't. The picture isn't pretty. I have major student loans coming due in January and my temp job ends next Friday so the waters may be a bit rough ahead.
I have felt a bit lost spiritually speaking from all of this but at the same time, I love a good challenge. I can only continue to trust that the Universe will continue to guide me and I will muster what strength lies dormant inside me to meet the Universe halfway. I am entering 2012 with a blind faith that everything will work out and my acting career will finally take hold.
Wish me luck!:)
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