Thursday, March 15, 2012

Shedding My Limitations With Song...

In all of my spiritual reading the common thread I have noticed is that your thoughts energized with feeling create your life. I think I had my thoughts periodically in line but my feelings of belief may have betrayed my best "thinking"! I'm working on aligning the two. Hopefully music will help unite thoughts and feelings in the same direction.

When you are facing the unknown, you can either lose your mind or lose your limitations. I decided to think of myself as shedding my limitations and immersing myself in the thoughts (energized with positive feelings) I wish to manifest into my life.:)

Let's see... If I listen to these youtube clips until they are a running track in my subconscious mind, perhaps...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Everything Working Out...

Sometimes I feel like a complete fool but all I have is a trust in the knowledge that everything is working itself out. I see no visible signs of it so I am truly placing myself in the hands of Divine Presence to see me through and manifest into my life that which I wish to achieve.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Making It Through The Rain...

Well, it is another year I am unable to go home for Christmas. This time it is for a good cause. I will be going home in June for my nephew Zen's high school graduation. In the grand scheme of things that is more important to me and my family, but it doesn't make missing my family during the holidays any less emotional. It is the holidays after all.:)

It is times like this when I am having to make choices for financial reasons that I have my moment of questioning why I am doing this acting thing. The truth... I could not be happy if I did anything else.

I accepted recently however that I have been in a holding pattern in the struggling artist chapter of my life way too long. It is time to turn the page and start writing a new attitude toward my career and my life.

During a self-analysis exercise in my 12 week acting class, I discovered that while I have for years wanted to be an actor, I never actually BELIEVED it would happen for me. It is not that I openly thought that, but it was one of those lurking negative thoughts you hold in the back of your mind and mumble under your breath at moments of disappointment. The exercise allowed me to hear it and it was a bit of a shock. However, in the acknowledgement of this secret thought, I put light to it and gave myself something tangible to work on so I can eventually eliminate it from my life. If I don't believe in my own success, in whatever area of my life, who else will? I know now I will make it through the rain and I am strong enough to create the life I want for myself! It will take whatever time it takes but I will make the changes I need to make so I can enjoy this journey more than I have allowed myself in the past. Embracing the fact that there is no other career that will bring me the joy acting does, why not go for it? Fear be damned! I will make it!! I love acting more than anything else in my life. It is time to believe and allow myself to spread my wings and fly as high as I can imagine!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Go Forward With Courage

So, my temp work was extended an additional 2 weeks so I will wrap things up this Friday just before the Christmas holiday. It all worked out since I am not going home this year so I can travel back in June for my nephew's high school graduation. Such is the price of living on a budget.

As I near the end of this chapter in my "story" I am embracing the return to acting full-time. I just wrapped up the 12 week acting auditioning course and I am feeling empowered to move forward with more confidence than I had before.

Last night I watched the new film "The Artist" about a silent film star dealing with the changes as the industry transitioned to "talkies". It was a stylish tribute to silent films and it resonated for me on many levels.

The Universe speaks to us in strange ways. I'm open to listening and seeing where it takes me.

Today, I have found myself drawn to some Native American prayers and sayings which have touched my spirit and I hope will give me strength for whatever lies ahead.

Go Forward With Courage

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists
-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage.


When you were born, you cried
and the world rejoiced.
Live your life
so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.

White Elk

Lakota Prayer

Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust
my heart,
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious Sun.

"Give thanks for unknown blessings
already on their way."


I am His and with Him I want not.
He throws out to me a rope and the name of the rope is love
and He draws me to where the grass is green and the water is not dangerous,
and I eat and lie down and am satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down
but He lifts me up again draws me into a good road.
His name is WONDERFUL .
Sometimes, it may be very soon, it may be a long long time,
He will draw me into a valley.
It is dark there, but I'll be afraid not,
for it is between those mountains that the SHEPHERD CHIEF will meet me
and the hunger that I have in my heart all through life will be satisfied.
Sometimes he makes the love rope into a whip,
but afterwards He gives me a staff to lean upon.
He spreads a table before me with all kinds of foods.
He puts His hand upon my head and all the " tired " is gone.
My cup he fills till it runs over.
What I tell is true. I lie not.
These roads that are "away ahead" will stay with me
through this life and after;
and afterwards I will go to live in the Big Teepee
and sit down with the SHEPHERD CHIEF forever.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Baby, You're Not lost...

I haven't had the focus to write over the last few months. The rollercoaster adventure I call my life has had me on a temporary hiatus from my career path as an actor. The car has been running on empty so to speak and to make ends meet I had to do a three month temp job with my old 9to5 that didn't allow me the flexibility to go out on auditions.

From a sheer survival standpoint it was truly a blessing because it came right when the funds were needed but mentally it was a bit of a blow to my confidence that I can make a go of this acting thing. I did take a 12 week acting class to keep my mind engaged in my craft but this whole period has had me take a good hard look at where my career is or isn't. The picture isn't pretty. I have major student loans coming due in January and my temp job ends next Friday so the waters may be a bit rough ahead.

I have felt a bit lost spiritually speaking from all of this but at the same time, I love a good challenge. I can only continue to trust that the Universe will continue to guide me and I will muster what strength lies dormant inside me to meet the Universe halfway. I am entering 2012 with a blind faith that everything will work out and my acting career will finally take hold.

Wish me luck!:)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Gift of Surrender

As I move into the month of June 2011, I find myself embracing a new sense of peace. With all the stress and confusion of the past few months, it didn't seem like there was a lot to look forward to on all fronts. I reached a point one evening when I simply started talking to God, the Universe, that voice inside I always called my intuition, whatever you want to call it. I said "I surrender" I cannot do this on my own anymore. I surrendered everything, my career, my hopes my dreams for the life I want to live. I must say, at first it just felt good to ask for help and put my faith in that part of me that I trusted once so completely.

The next day (last Thursday to be exact)it began. I got a call for an audition for "The Nine Lives of Chloe King". I thought "Wow, thanks, God" for giving me a lifeline here during this bleak period. It was a small role I was auditioning for but I was happy. My manager called and said it was at 5:45pm Friday at CBS Radford Studios. I said Cool. and I thanked the Universe and said it's all in your hands so I leave it up to you.

I arrived last Friday at 5:30 to have time to make it across the lot to wherever I was auditioning. However, the security guard had a surprise for me. He said, I have you down for an audition time of 12:45 but your papers say 5:45 so good luck." For a minute I froze realizing that something was seriously off. I stopped and laughed and said "Hey God, I turned everything up to you so this is all in your hands." I proceeded to get lost on the lot until a wardrobe lady kindly guided me to the correct bungalow. I entered and while the sign in sheet was still out, there was no one else waiting to audition. I signed in and sat down waiting for five minutes until I heard the sound of voices on the second floor. Not sure what possessed me, but I got up and walked up in search of voices. I came across a startled casting assistant who happened to be hanging out with her sister in the office before heading home. I told her I came for my 5:45 audition and once she got over her shock at my arrival she said, "Well, the director and everyone is gone but why don't I put you on tape anyway and I can have my sister read with you if you don't mind?" I smiled and said "Sure, thank you". We three walked downstairs and had fun knocking out my audition. I thanked them deeply for helping me out and putting my audition tape up for the producers to view with the others who arrived at 12:45pm. To be honest, I was so happy that they were kind enough to fit me in I left the studio lot feeling amazingly happy.

Tuesday rolled around and I got a call I was on a "Watch and Advise" which meant they were interested but hadn't made a final decision. I thanked God for taking charge and hung up the phone on Cloud Nine. By 3pm Wednesday afternoon I got another call saying I got the job!

Is all this just some bizarre coincidence? I don't think so! This evening, I received a pdf of the script I am acting in next week. I found myself laughing with unexpected joy and gratitude as I realized that this is my life! I am an actor and I get paid to "play", to be creative, and create work that hopefully entertains people! It is easy to slip into being depressed trying and trying to get an "in" in this industry. Yet tonight something in me reminded me that I am so incredibly blessed that life has led me to a place where I am actually living my dreams. I can do nothing but enjoy and appreciate this time. I don't have any fear of making mistakes or anything like that. I am just uncontrollably HAPPY! I am living my dreams and appreciating every opportunity I get to act!

The amazing thing is I understand I never really have been alone in my journey. I only thought I was. I surrendered control and something amazing opened up for me. I know that life holds limitless possibilities and I look forward to the uncharted territory that lies ahead!!

I have been wanting to reconnect to that intuitive voice I feel is God Within. Whatever else I have gained from these recent experiences, I know for certain that my "surrendering to Source" has brought me into joyful reunion with that which I have been seeking. How do I know? I have felt a joy, a connection and a peace of mind like I have never known before. And for that I am so grateful.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Moving Toward What Lies Over The Rainbow!

May is coming to an end. I feel like I can breathe again. What a crazy month it has been. Life is a never-ending journey of growth.

Tonight is my acting group's last class of the semester. We will be holding auditions and elections. Yikes! Class promises to be vibrant and challenging! The decisions we make tonight on both fronts will have an impact on the energy and vibe of the group.

It has been a semester of drama, from difficulties with our new space to emotional meltdowns by some of our members. It was a serious reminder of how important it is to protect yourself as an actor. Working with your emotions so much and working in an industry that batters your ego through the audition process, it is important to create supportive environments that nourish your spirit.

Tomorrow starts our month and a half semester break and I am looking forward to the downtime.

Good-bye, May! Thanks for the lessons. I know now I got somewhere to go and I can get there.

Time to move toward what lies over the rainbow!

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