Haven't Met You Yet...

For me, New Year's Eve is worse than Valentine's Day! It is such a couples' night. Well, I am single but optimistic that the new year will offer me endless possibilities as long as I stay open! I think I may make this my theme song for 2011!

"Wanna Go Home"

Been pretty good warding of the holiday blues, but not going home for the holidays has been tough! I am not ashamed to admit, I miss my Mum!

Establishing My Acting Career: "Branding the Product" That Is Me, Becoming The"Company" Studios Want To Do Business With!

With all of this reflection, a new challenge has risen to the surface of my mind. How do I continue my growth as an actor and embrace the need to see myself as a company with its own brand that not only catches the attention of the studios but allows my "company" to grow? Right now, I am a small fledgling company. If I plan on getting this company listed on the "Fortune 500" so to speak, I need to challenge my view of myself, find my uniqueness and make full use of all my assets.

Perhaps this is my means of embracing my "scheduling issues" head on? I guess I should dust of my mission statement, revise appropriately, and evaluate how I can more consistently see myself as the CEO of My Life. Maybe seeing myself as the CEO of My Life is a little too vague. Perhaps, embracing myself as not just an actor competing for roles, but as a businessman whose career is his company, I may see better results.


Yes! My career, my body, mind and creative spirit are the components of my company. Therefore, I am the CEO of this company and should make decisions accordingly. With every acting job I "book", my business expands. I have never thought of myself as a businessman. That will take some studying to fully understand how to do this realistically and not in a "New Age" self-help kind of way. In concrete terms, this will require me looking at my finances and seeing how I can be more responsible with my spending and make sure I have separate funds that will be devoted to company expenses. Separating my personal finances from my business finances may be useful and constructive. It may also help me have tangible markers to track my company's expansion and viability. 

This doesn't have to be hard unless I let it. I just want it to be real and productive. Productivity is coming to mind so much, it will be a barometer of my company's growth and potential for success.

2011 is looking like a year of challenge, a year of meaningful change, and a year of adventure!         

Scheduling A More Productive Life

Having spent this holiday season away from my family this year, I found myself with a lot of TIME on my hands. Instead of allowing myself to dwell on sadness and missing my family, I have chosen to focus on the positive. While I was not able to go home, the Universe provided me with a small but wonderfully enjoyable experience working as a professional actor. Coaching has its level of fulfillment but nothing replaces being on a "set" and bringing a character to life!

Ending 2010 on a productive note, professionally, has me looking to 2011 with anticipation and excitement! The question is, how do I get myself to adopt a realistic schedule of work that enables me to improve my acting skills, exercise, and build on my professional confidence?

I am not certain why I have such an aversion to scheduling even when I know when I DO work with a schedule, I actually feel more professional and proactive in achieving my goals. I see this as my challenge for 2011. No new year's resolutions for me this year, just a continuation of my self-evaluations and desire to make meaningful changes and growth in my life.

I am hopeful, as I continue my work with the UltraConfidence program I purchased, that things will fall into place and I will find a resolution to my inner resistance to scheduling and breakthrough to a prosperous, creative and professionally fulfilling new year!!  

Acting Wisdom: Know Yourself

Here's a bit of acting wisdom I found on another blog (An Actor's World) that I wanted to have on hand for myself to refer back to for its gems of wisdom for the actor. The YouTube clip is originally from Inside Acting Podcast. I look forward to more clips from them.

Forest Whitaker's Touching Oscar Speech

Forest Whitaker is an amazing actor! He truly loves his craft and it radiates in his performances. This touching Oscar speech speaks to me of the beauty of dreaming to create the life and career you desire despite all the odds.

If you haven't seen The Last King of Scotland you are missing an amazing film! 

Sydney Poitier: A Trailblazer

There is no one like Sydney Poitier. He has always been one of my greatest inspirations as an actor. His dignity and pose commands respect. This link captures not only is humility but the amazing path he blazed winning an Oscar for Lilies of the Field - a truly beautiful film on so many levels.

Dustin Hoffman winning Best Actor for "Kramer vs. Kramer"

As much as people complain about the Oscars, every actor holds a secret dream that their work would one day reach the level of being considered worthy of Oscar consideration.

Here is a link to a wonderful clip of Dustin Hoffman winning for "Kramer Vs. Kramer. It beautifully honors the body of work of all the nominees and concludes with a touching acceptance speech. It is a pleasant reminder of the joy of dreaming of one day creating work half as memorable as all those nominated in this clip. I dare to dream and look forward to the day I know my work is moving in that direction.

Inspirational Reminder: Protect Your Dreams No Matter What!

It never hurts to remind myself of what I believe and allow it to inspire me as often as possible. If I know anything, I know I must protect my dreams...no matter what!

Finding My Way...

My blog has been silent for the last month as I have been trying to figure out what has been off within me. I have lived with a belief system that your life experiences are a reflection of where you place your thoughts. The challenge of this belief system is that I am completely responsible for the state of my life. There is no cursing God or blaming others- it all is coming from some deep rooted thought patterns that are simply not serving me well.

Now I have been pretty good at looking at my life and acknowledging the painful childhood experiences that have shaped me. However,  the challenge I realize now is  figuring out how to not just let go of the past but to replace the thought patterns that clearly are deeply rooted in my subconscious. The Universe has decided to give me a hand in this area. After a spontaneous search of the internet on topics of self-hypnosis and tapping into the power of your subconscious mind, I came across a "positive brainwashing program" called "UltraConfidence" that for a minimal cost provides you with a system of downloads that bombard your brain with subliminal thoughts of confidence as you listen to mini-lectures on why you are entitled to living confidently in the present. The program doesn't say anything that I haven't heard before but the power of the program is in spending about 50 minutes a day listening to the series of 6 mini-lectures and answering two sets of loaded questions whose function are to bypass your conscious mind and implant thoughts of confidence directly into your subconscious.

After a few weeks, I have to say it has been very useful at keeping me in a very positive state of mind. I am planning on making it a part of my daily routine and see where it takes me.  So far, I am very optimistic. I have had recently what I can only describe as a breakthrough!  I booked an acting job! I have been working for a year and a half on trying to break back into this business. I know that much of the problem has been linked with simply having the self-confidence to go for it and believe in myself. As I don't believe in coincidence, I can only conclude that the UltraConfidence has had enough of an impact to help me land my first acting job in a long time.

I trust that in time and continued focus on replacing those embedded limiting thoughts that more positive experiences will continue to manifest into my life. I had so much fun getting back onto a studio lot as a professional actor! I look forward to getting to a place of auditioning and working on a consistent basis! Thoughts have power, so I am determined to focus my thoughts firmly in the direction of my dreams.      

Keeping Going No Matter What...

I have been pretty lousy with my blogging as life has been a real challenge. I am auditioning with little success to-date, money is not exactly flowing - yet, and it is all been something of an emotional drain trying to remain positive and focused on creating the life and career that I want. Some days I wonder why I am doing all this but in the end, I know I am still happier than I ever was working my prior 9to5. I am progressing with my improving my craft but I have not broken through to make professional progress earning a living in my chosen field aside from occasional coaching gigs.

I keep going because I know I can make a life doing what I love. I do however, need to get a thicker skin and improve my confidence in my abilities despite my current career challenges.

I am once again reminded that I have a habit of seeing my negative self-talk as "facing reality" and my positive thinking sometimes feels like "self-delusion". I wish I knew how to switch that around. Improving my diet has been very helpful in keeping more positive. My Saturday runs also work wonders. However, getting a regular exercise program has been another challenge.

How does one learn to follow through better? I can get motivated for a while and then hit a rough patch and everything seems to feel overshadowed by my mental roadblocks to success. This weekend, I plan to work on a weekly schedule of activities so hopefully I can create more structure to help me see myself moving toward my various goals and whether motivated or down in the dumps I can rely on the structure to make it through the day. Let's see what comes of this new tactic. Whatever keeps me going...   

The Success Creed

I found this next "Success Creed" when I came across the blog "An Actor's World". I found it very motivating and also posted to my bathroom mirror. I am currently committing it to memory to help me get my life out of "idle" and moving into the direction I want it to go.

The Success Creed


I have decided to succeed.

I now know that this decision is critical - it will determine the results I get.

Furthermore, I have decided to succeed wildly.

I will make enough money to become financially secure and comfortable - with plenty left over to do good and make a real difference in the lives of people I love.

Because I know that it takes just as much effort to think big as it does to think small - I will think big. I will also work hard 

- very hard.

Success that is permanent and sustained will require massive effort on my part.

Overnight success is a fiction. I cannot plan for fictional success. Reality is not optional.

The secret to achieving my goals is my own belief that I can do it. Once I am in this frame of mind, I have already won.

All that remains to do is to execute my plan.

It's not what I achieve in the end that matters - it's who I become in the process.

Failure is just an event.

 

The Actor's Vow

I was watching a PBS documentary called "Letter to Elia" and noticed what was referred to as "The Actor's Vow" which Elia created during his time with the Actor's Studio. I found it inspiring so wanted to post it here and on my bathroom mirror. 

The Actor’s Vow

I will take my rightful place on stage
and I will be myself.
I am not a cosmic orphan.
I have no reason to be timid.
I will respond as I feel;
awkwardly, vulgarly,
but respond.

I will have my throat open,
I will have my heart open,
I will be vulnerable.
I may have anything or everything
the world has to offer, but the thing
I need most, and want most,
is to be myself.

I will admit rejection, admit pain,
admit frustration, admit even pettiness,
admit shame, admit outrage,
admit anything and everything
that happens to me.

The best and most human parts of
me are those I have inhabited
and hidden from the world.
I will work on it.
I will raise my voice.
I will be heard.

The Senseless Tragedy of Cyber-Bullying

This story of the suicide of the gay Rutgers student is such a senseless tragedy. Yet it is just the tip of the iceberg of an epidemic affecting so many gay teens who feel lost in a world of hate they cannot overcome.  So many stories lately have been shining a light of this problem.

I have experienced nothing worse than the pain and isolation that is caused by bullies who attack your spirit simply because you are an easy target to vent their own self-loathing.   If you survive this period of seemingly endless torture, you gain some measure of strength but the scars last a lifetime, on some level, whether you want them to or not..

These stories have touched me so personally as there but by the grace of God go I.

Olympia Dukakis, Annie Purcell to star in 'Elektra' at Getty Villa

Tonight, I am getting a healthy dose of "culture" as I check out Olympia Dukakis  in "Elektra" at the Getty Villa.

Visiting the "Villa" in Malibu is a treat in itself, but it is also the best place to see a performance of this fantastic Greek tragedy!

Olympia Dukakis, Annie Purcell to star in 'Elektra' at Getty Villa

Anti-Aging Skin Treatment Recipe #1: My Black Sesame-Coconut Milk Nightcap

I have decided to start documenting the homemade anti-aging skin treatments I plan to use either internally or externally. Since goal #1 is finding creative ways to incorporate more coconut into my day, lets start with a healthy and delicious coconut concoction  I actually enjoy drinking.

This one I am calling my "Black Sesame Coconut Milk Nightcap."

It is pretty simple, but first let's start with the basics.

Basic Coconut Milk Recipe
Ingredients:
3 cans of Thai coconut milk
3 cups of cold water
2-3 tablespoons of Raw honey (optional)

Directions:
Mix equal parts canned Thai coconut milk with water. I just open the can and refill it with ice cold water to wash out the remaining cream. Add raw honey for additional flavor. The canned coconut alone is too rich to drink without diluting it with water. The honey compensates for the watering down.

The only downside to using the canned Thai coconut milk is that it contains Potassium Metabisulphite as a preservative. I am not at the stage where I want to make the milk from boiling and cooling fresh grated coconut milk. That will come later.

Chill the new coconut milk in your refrigrator and you are good to go!

Black Sesame-Coconut Milk Nightcap Recipe
Ingredients:
1 cup Coconut Milk (see Basic Coconut Milk Recipe above)
2 tablespoons ground black sesame seeds
1-2 tablespoons extra virgin coconut oil

Directions:

Take your cup of coconut milk and simmer to a boil. In a regular coffee mug, mix your 2 tablespoons of ground black sesame seeds with 1 or 2 tablespoons of extra virgin coconut oil. Add warm milk and stir.

It is a great replacement for my sugar filled hot chocolate. The combination of ingredients gives you a creamy rich cup of warm nutrition. The additional extra virgin coconut oil helps me meet my daily intake of this healthy oil. Black sesame is rich in calcium, iron, magnesium, proteins and fatty acids while providing a tasty nutty flavor. If you can't buy the sesame seeds ground, use your coffee grinder.

I love this drink as it satisfies my sweet tooth and keeps me from reaching for a bag of oreos.

Remember, this is my own health concoction and works for me. Give it a shot, if you like. You might like it as well!

My Anti Aging Skin Treatment A.K.A. The Great Coconut Experiment

The other day, I was cleaning out the bathroom cabinet and discovered literally a garbage bag worth of half used cleansers, shampoos, conditioners, moisturizers etc. You name it I bought it in my never ending battle to stay as youthful as possible in the competitive environment of film and television.  I can guess I had a good thousand dollars bagged for the Monday morning trash pick up. I see it as a price of doing business. Besides who doesn't like to look good when they look in the mirror?

The problem is, after watching the documentary "Food Inc." I have been overly aware of how much consumer manipulation is involved in the selling of products in just about every industry.  As I stood in my bathroom I thought, if they don't mind manipulating the foods we eat, what corporation would think twice about scamming us on our national obsession with our appearance? If I can let go of the processed food merry-go -round, why not go as natural as possible with my grooming regime?

Now, as the face is essentially one of any actor's assets or impediments, so to speak, I need to be pretty committed to getting it to represent me in the best possible manner. So, as an actor what do I need?

Flawless glowing skin
Fewer wrinkles
Less under eye puffiness
Tighter, toned skin around the cheeks and jawline.

In other words, I need to look not just good but as amazing as I can!

So, I am going to go "au naturale," that is, no more money on "store bought wonder products" and make some homemade grooming products made from nature's bounty and my two little hands.

I have always been fascinated by articles on  plants, essential oils and exotic fruits that have had amazing effects on our bodies. However, I never seriously tried them when it seemed easier to just go to the store. Well, I guess I am ready to put nature and my own creativity to the test.

How I will do this will be an interesting little adventure, but hopefully it will produce some outstanding measurable anti-aging results!

What will I need?

1. Some sort of cleanser
2. A toner
3. A facial scrub
4. A facial mask
5. A moisturizer
6. A shampoo
7. a conditioner


At the present moment I know of five ingredients that will possibly be the base of my grooming regime and thus the 7 new homemade products I have yet to create. (#8 was going to be deodorant but I think I will stick with "store bought" deodorant thank you very much!:))

The Five Magic Ingredients are:
1. Extra Virgin Coconut Oil
2. Aloe Vera (cut from my many houseplants)
3. Tea Tree Oil
4. Green Tea
5. Organic Apple Cider Vinegar  

These five guys have always held a special fascination for me. Now time to put my faith to the test!
In time I hope to be an expert on them as I will be using them internally and externally where applicable..
The leader of the group will be Coconut and Extra Virgin Coconut oil as I am making it a staple of my daily cooking. My goal to have the greatest impact possible by changing both what goes in and on my body. I will need to pick my mom's brain for some delicious recipes or simply get creative. Either way, I want the internal impact strong enough to have a visible effect upon my face and body from the inside out! Any external application from my homemade products will be a boost to the anti aging skin treatment I am undertaking but not the main source of any body transformation.
 
In my research I have found some amazing claims made regarding the healing properties of coconuts. I suppose I will have to seriously research the other four members of my team and report on them over time. However here are a few things i discovered about coconut and extra virgin coconut oil.


Benefits of Extra Virgin Coconut Oil:

1. Coconut contains many health benefits due to its fiber, vitamins and nutritional content, it’s the oil that makes it a truly remarkable food and medicine. 
2. Coconut oil is composed predominately of medium-chain fatty acids (MCFA), also known as medium-chain triglycerides (MCT). 
3. MCFA do not have a negative effect on cholesterol and actually help to protect against heart disease. 
4. MCFA help to lower the risk of both atherosclerosis and heart disease. . 
5. Coconut oil contains high levels of antioxidants which help to protect the body from free radicals and prevent degenerative diseases and premature aging.
6.  Coconut oil is anti-fungal, anti-viral, and anti-bacterial. It kills viruses that have a lipid (fatty) coating, such as:       

                      HIV     
                      Herpes                                                                                                             
                      Hepatitis C                                                                                                                   
                      Mononucleosis. .

     7. It also kills the bacteria that cause:                                                                            
                     Pneumonia
                     Sore Throats
                    Dental Cavities                                                                                                                  
                    Urinary tract infections                                                                                                         
                    Meningitis                                                                                                               
                    Gonorrhea                                      
                    Food Poisoning
 
      8.  It kills the fungus/yeast infections that cause:
                  Candida                                                                                                                                     
                  Athlete's Foot                                                                                                                                                Ringworm
                  Thrush           
                  Jock Itch                                                                                                                                  
                  Diaper Rash

Other Extra Virgin Coconut oil Benefits:

1. Boosts energy levels and endurance. 
2. Aids in Weight Loss Increases
3. Helps prevent wrinkles.
4. Helps in treating various skin problems including psoriasis, dermatitis, eczema and other skin infections
5. It is rich in lauric acid, which is known for being antiviral, antibacterial and antifungal, and contains no trans fat
6. Helps in improving the digestive system and absorption of fat soluble vitamins, minerals and amino acids thus prevents various stomach and digestion related problems including irritable bowel syndrome.
7. Is one of the best natural nutrients for hair. It promotes healthy hair providing it with a shiny complexion.
8. Regular massage of the scalp with coconut oil ensures that it is free of dandruff, lice, and lice eggs, even if your scalp is dry.
9. It acts as an excellent shampoo or conditioner and helps in the re-growth of damaged hair.
10. It also provides the essential proteins required for nourishing damaged hair.
11. It acts as an effective moisturizer on all types of skins including dry skin.
12. It is anti-inflamatory: useful as a salve to speed healing of bruises, strains, and sore muscles.
13. Strengthens a sluggish Thyroid, Liver and Kidney.

In time, I hope to see some dramatic results. However, I am patient and not looking for overnight miracles but long-term internal healing that will show my improved health from my glowing skin to my viseral fat free stomach- allowing my six pack to look like a six pack and not one big kegger!

When all is said and done, I know that this adventure will not only assist me in getting into optimum health but it will be one of the best investments I can make in my acting career.

Life Can Turn On A Dime

This morning my best friend learned that his 47 year old brother, an otherwise healthy man, died of a brain aneurysm quite suddenly.

I am in a bit of shock.

It reminds me of how precious the gift of life is. Life can turn on a dime. It seems like such a waste to spend time doing anything but living your life with as much joy as possible. 

Eat... Pray... Love...Again?

The Universe speaks, but are we listening?

After my recent "eye opener," it is little surprise that I would find a major "pull" from within to watch the recent Julia Roberts film "EAT PRAY LOVE." I simply knew I needed to see this movie. Initially, I asked friends to go and everyone said, hey it's a "chick flick."- even my female friends!

Undeterred I went alone, and it was like the movie was speaking to me. I am not one to cry at movies but it touched on something that let the tears flow, a longing for connection with Life and others on a deeper level or maybe for an experience of Love for myself and another that I have yet to experience. I don't know but, it came at just the right time.

I may not have my bags backed for a trip to Rome, India, or Bali, but I am definitely ready for the inner transformation. So, until I book my flight on Orbitz, I will start at home with a bit of meditation, continued appreciation for what I now have and focus on being more "SELF-centered" until my appetite for Life is as rich and vibrant as I want it to be.

In the words of Beyonce, I'm gonna "LISTEN to the song here in my heart...." Where it takes me will be where it takes me. 

Check out "Eat Pray Love"! You may find the Universe is speaking to you as well...

Riding "The Rapids" With My Eyes Wide Open!

I have not been blogging much lately, because well... I have been a little shell shocked by some of life's endless mysteries- human interaction. It would seem the Universe has been sending me lessons and in my best effort to ignore them, the Universe kept hammering away until I finally relented and asked "What the hell is all this about?"


What the hell is he talking about, you ask?

Lately, I have been working on embracing my life and creating the life I want to live. That has not been as easy as I imagined it would be. I had some strange yet ultimately wonderful realizations that gave me answers to those "dark night of the soul" questions we scream out to God when we want to blame someone other than ourselves for why life just isn't working as planned.

The first strange realization - I have been creating the experiences of my life, and they just weren't what I wanted. They were what I expected.  While I have gotten very clear on the life I want to be living,  I forgot that I can't make the changes I want until I seriously address the thinking that has gotten me to where I am now. I guess you could say I have been "thinking positive on the outside" but it hadn't penetrated the negative thinking that has rented space in my brain for years and was not interested in complying with my eviction notice. However, I am in it for the long haul, so, I must literally kill my old thoughts with kindness until they leave on their own.

How am I doing this?

Well, I am finally starting to understand the idea of appreciating what you have in the present moment because that is all we really have. I hadn't noticed, I have been so focused on defining my life by wanting things that have yet to come, I wasn't enjoying the things that had come. In essence, I am now learning to live in the moment.  It is actually quite enjoyable.

My mantra is "I am where I am and that's okay." It's a short little phrase but it has the powerful ability to quiet the negative self-talk's rant. Usually, I would get myself into this space of expecting good things to happen and then when they didn't or didn't appear as expected, that little nasty voice just kept saying "you're dreaming if you think you are something special." In other words, I never dealt with the ingrained negative inner voice so I default to the negative almost automatically. With this new understanding, I am becoming more conscious. In time, the tape will change. I know that we experience in our lives what we focus on. The trouble is when  we don't acknowledge our negative inclinations of thought, we cannot make the real life changes necessary to create the life we want for ourselves. So, this is where I am and that's okay because knowing what I need to work on gives me a concrete place from which to initiate change. 

My second strange realization - "Like really does attract like." So, in my journey of being more conscious in my own life, I have found that I have surrounded myself with friends who are "vibrating" on the same wave of thought that I am. Now, I have many friends and not all share my way of thinking towards the negative, but those I am most close to do. Is that a coincidence? I don't think so?

Actually, I never thought much about it until I tried living this new way of thinking with my friends. The end result, disaster- in the short term, so far. It unfortunately, took me a bit by surprise. As I consciously worked on speaking positively about situations happening in my life rather than focusing on the negative, I found unexpected resistance from my friends. From many as I spoke positively, they found it strange and something to make fun of, as if I were making a joke. Suddenly, we were no longer commiserating over each others shitty experiences. Hence topics quickly moved from what was going on with each of us to what problems they had. The conflict gained steam when the usual question of  "what do I do?" with this or that was met with anything other than "yeah you're right that sucks", boy did people get annoyed. I wasn't holding up my end of the "misery game" we got use to playing.

Suddenly, I was the "postive thinking nut" and they were keeping it real. On my end I was not wanting to focus on the negative which became harder to do when the habit has been to go negative. So, I felt alone, and sometimes silly in feeling mocked for wanting to be positive in a sea of negativity. The strange thing was the same conflict was arising with different friends who didn't even know each other. This should have been a red flag.

Eventually, after a very ugly class with a friend who wanted to use me as their object of abuse to vent their unhappiness, I myself grew amazingly angry as I was unable to stop the verbal attacking. I was so angry I stayed mad for days as I felt violated as lines had been crossed and I expected an apology and acknowledgement that I had been a victim.  It took me a good week to realize that I allowed myself to take on the role of "victim" and had such a need for others to validate my way of thinking that I did not see that no one has the power to affect you unless you give it to them. I also realized that I became uncomfortable in situations with close friends because I was wanting them to validate that my thinking was right but I didn't truly believe it myself. If I had, then no amount of negative talk from others would trigger annoyance in me. It was like the Universe held up a neon sign saying, "Deal with your own crap and stop waiting for others to give you permission to live." 

Wow, that was a serious wake up call. Again, until I deal with the negative voice inside, no real change can take root. Two different areas, two major lessons on the same subject.

No one said taking responsibility for the life you create was gonna be a piece of cake. However, the benefits definitely outweigh remaining hostage to one's past and the thinking it engendered.

So, I am navigating the waters of life with a better toolkit to fix what needs to be fixed as I go. Who would have thought "positive thinking" actually required conscious work to actually be useful?

That's okay. It is always better to ride the rapids with your eyes opened rather than closed. It makes the adventure all the sweeter.

Benefits of Coconut Consumption

For those of you interested in starting to investigate some of the benefits of increasing your consumption of fresh coconuts and extra virgin coconut oil, I found this youtube clip created by psychetruth who talks about many of the things I found in my own investigation all in one clip. Hope you find it useful. Enjoy!  

"Coo coo" for Coconuts!

I am not a dieter. Simply put... I enjoy food! I hoped to make a shift to a vegan lifestyle, then opted for a less rigid vegetarian regime until I realized that I enjoy fish, all forms of seafood actually and the occasional dish of red meat. However, with a goal of moving from 210 lbs to the ideal body weight somewhere in the 170's, what is a food lover suppose to do?

Try eating unrefined virgin coconut in as many forms as possible.

I have over the past few months have been seriously looking at my food issues since I trained and ran the 2010 LA marathon and literally saw no difference in my weight. Why? Well, despite the fact that I ran a significant amount of 2009 in preparation for the big event, my eating habits were terrible. I rarely ate fresh fruits and vegetables in their raw or cooked states. In fact the majority of my food consumption was of the processed variety. I bought into the marketing madness of the "nutrition" of these foods when in actuality my body was not reflecting this fictional "nutrition".

So, I swung completely into attempting my above mentioned switch to vegan/vegetarian living but the shock was so extreme that my taste buds could not adapt and craved the junk of processed foods. Then I came across some research on the benefits of Extra Virgin Coconut oil and coconuts. Realizing, I grew up eating a lot of coconuts, coconut milk and coconut oil on a regular basis, I thought it wouldn't hurt to "return home" so to speak. It is funny how you can make changes going into adulthood that you never realize the ramifications of until years down the road.

Starting about a month ago, I decided to not adopt any diet whatsoever. The only change I made was to reincorporate my childhood eating habits, instilled in me by my mother's own cooking style, by cooking with extra virgin coconut oil instead of olive oil, adding both types of fresh coconut into my food consumption, as well as adding coconut cream to cooking and drinking coconut milk on a daily basis. Aside from that, I made no conscious effort to change what I ate.

To my surprise, these simple additions profoundly affected my taste buds and increased my enjoyment of stir fried fresh vegetables, fresh fruit and a wide range of fresh seafood. Without consciously trying, processed foods dropped off my shopping list. I stopped craving sweets, but allow myself to enjoy an occasional chocolate cannolli in place of my regular munching of snickers bars and kitkats. Have you ever actually read the ingredients in those things?

I will admit, watching "Food Inc." has forced me to drop the eating of any foods that contain corn and corn by-products, not for dietary reasons as much as a protest against corporate manipulation of our food industry. This protest while at first difficult became completely a non-issue since incorporating coconut back into my life.

I will be honest, I never thought I could let go of my addition to junk food until now because the cravings just went away. "Resisting" which is always the biggest hurdle to overcome when dieting is not an issue for me. If I want to eat something I eat it. However, the impulse for filling my sweet tooth with junk has been replaced with finding a new exotic fruit to try or a nice cannolli made at a neighborhood Italian deli. Yes, it may not be a healthy choice but it is an indulgence and not a habit.

In the end, I have found this subtle lifestyle change has brought so many benefits, I see no reason to ever think of dieting again. Without exercising other than my regular runs, I have moved toward my goal weight, effortlessly, to my current weight of 186lbs. I trust I will be at my ideal weight of the 170's  in no time as I get back to the gym.

There is something to the medium chain fatty acids that makes the saturated fat coconuts are known for actually good for you. I will encourage everyone who is interested to do your own research. It works for me and that is all I am able to confirm. I am no scientist or wacky health nut. I am just getting back to my roots and finally appreciating my mother for building in me a love of all things coconut that I am once again embracing to my delight and nutritional benefit!  .Life is good.Thanks, Mom!!

OH, HAPPY DAY!!!!

Have ya heard the news? Prop 8 was struck down by the California Supreme Court opening the door for equality for all Californians, allowing same sex partners the rights afforded to heterosexual couples. Oh HAPPY DAY!!!

This reminded me of a hilarious skit my friend Hope Shapiro performed and had posted on the subject and I have to post it here. Regardless of how anyone may feel on the subject, this clip just made me laugh!! Laughter is always good!

Going Where The Road Takes Me!

Well, it has been a while since I have had time to post. I am happy that I have been busy with an increased number of auditions for film and television projects and the start of a new semester of my acting group.

Unfortunately, I have not landed any jobs yet. However, I am optimistic as I can feel a change in the winds of my career. I have been focusing on getting more auditions so I could ascertain if I was fighting a losing battle in an industry geared toward a teen-aged audience.  I believed I still had a chance and now I know opportunity is still open. Now, I must focus with everything in me to get so good at my craft, they can't help but want to hire me. Iy is all about putting my thoughts where I want my life to be. This doesn't mean it will be easy but it doesn't have to be difficult either!

In my acting group, this semester I am jumping off the cliff with my acting. I am pushing the limits and discovering some new things about myself that I am bringing into my work and loving every minute of it!

I think my biggest challenge is staying connected to my positive energy and resisting falling into the negative triggers I have made a habit of reacting to from friends and others. It is not always easy to remember when others or yourself is negative, it usually has little to do with the person on the receiving end! I do look forward to the time when I shift to "staying connected to the positive" is my default thinking position rather than a new skill to be acquired.

Allowing My Life to Be What I Want It To Be

I have been taking a bit of a hiatus from technology and getting back to basics. Instead of watching cable, checking emails or logging onto facebook, I looked at my bookshelves and decided to do some reading. Just started a memoir by Peter Fonda. Wow, I did not know just how rough a life the Fonda kids had, despite the appearances of a magical life with a famous father. I also started an acting technique book to keep building my skills.

Tomorrow I am starting the novel "The Talented Mr. Ripley" since we will be working on the screenplay in my acting group. I decided to approach my work this semester as if I got the part so hopefully the novel will give me valuable insight when doing my scene work and character building.

All in all life is very good. My objective, of late is to put my focus as much as possible on creating the life I want and not thinking of what is not working. So, while I am not working professionally, my classwork will be approached as if it is professional work and not just something for class. It is all a choice but I believe it will help me work harder and lessen the chances of "phoning  in" the work or just being lazy.

My new approach has been inspired by the two books The Law of Attraction and Money and the Law of Attraction by Ester and Jerry Hicks - part of the Teachings of Abraham series of books. What I love about both books is the emphasis on using your thoughts and emotions to guide you in achieving the life you want. They are all about the journey being joyful not about the getting of things.For them life is about living in "alignment" with Well-Being.It is an interesting perspective because I do believe the joy is in the journey but in actuality I wasn't living that belief in my own life.

So the getting of anything is an indicator of being "in alignment" or "out of alignment" as opposed to the driving force of your life. You can focus on the "What is" reality of your life or focus on the "what you want". Initially as I tried focusing on what I wanted I found myself dwelling on what was not working and getting depressed about whether the future would ever turn out as I wanted regarding my acting career. Eventually, I started just trying to have fun with spending 15 minutes each day just thinking "Wouldn't it be wonderful if..." and proceeding to think positive affirming thoughts  about my career and allowing money to flow into my life from sources known and unknown. To my surprise, the next day I got an audition. The day after, I got a refund of nearly $1000.00 from the IRS for a mistake I made on my tax return. Whether anyone else thinks of it as coincidence or luck, I don't care. It was for me an example of how life flows when I stay in a positive space. And aside from these instances, I found I have just been so much happier in my day because I was never so conscious of just how much time I spent being afraid, or nervous or depressed and stuck in a "life sucks" mode.  So given a choice I would rather expect good things to happen and enjoy them when they arrive instead of expect the worst then continue to beat myself up about what is not working. Life is just too short to waste seeking confirmation of the negative when being positive is so much more fun! 

It is not a simple thing changing your thoughts from a decade or two of negativity to one of positive expectation but it is worth the journey. I feel as if I have not been present in my life until now.
 If I wasn't trying to be super happy, I was wallowing in fear. At this stage in the game I am simply allowing myself to be open to how I am feeling as a gauge and enjoying imagining the possibilities of how wonderful life can be. In the process I have spent less time dealing with runaway stress and more in a state of hope and a genuine feeling of joy. It has been pretty effective to catch myself feeling negative and say "hey where I am is where I am and that's okay." Talk about a powerful diffuser. 

I am planning to take the plunge sometime this month and drop my cable service. As I focus more on my acting and creating what I want, I am loving listening to music more (there's nothing like a little Jazz in the evening) and reading a good book. The desire to "vegetate" in front of the tv is not as appealing as it use to be.

Well, time for some Miles Davis and another chapter of Peter Fonda's life to get my evening into a pleasant space.

The Magic of Movies Never Fails To Inspire...

Embracing my life is so much more fun than I ever imagined it could be!

I just got back from watching the film  The Secret In Their Eyes at the Laemmle 7 theater in Pasadena. I was captivated by the story and the fantastic performances. There is something about French and Spanish language films. Those movies never fail to inspire me.

The actors have an emotional depth that I often feel surpasses American actors. Soledad Villamil, Ricardo Darin, and Jose Luis Gioia gave nuanced performances that inspired me to want to be a better actor.. Their characters were very real and not, in my opinion, compromised to service the plot. I would love to know what their training techniques are all about. How can I access the techniques that could fill my work with such emotional intensity? This is something I must investigate.

The beauty I found in this film is how as an American, I watched the film with certain expectations of how the thriller would unfold. However, it is not an American film so the direction it took forced my brain to shift and go down a road that was new to me. I loved it and hungered for more!

Growing Every Chance I Get

I had an audition on Monday for an independent film. I worked on that sucker for most of the weekend. I think it went well but I noticed my competition was the guy who played was in the new Star trek movie. Logically grabbing him up would immediately give them some name recognition to market their film with. Barring a lousy  audition on his part, I think he has the part in the bag. Oh, well. Still, one never knows but I am trying to move on with the satisfaction of giving a good performance at my audition.

One thing that became abundantly clear is that I have to work as hard or harder for every audition as I did for this last one. The fact is my competition is tough and skilled and I need to continually grow as an actor if I want to succeed. Time for me to Embrace Life, my life and the direction I want it to take!

So, tonight, I decided to go see a really good film to do a little studying and to get some inspiration. My friend Kristin decided to join me tonight to check out The Secret in Their Eyes or "El Secreto De Sus Ojos" the 2010 Oscar Winner for Best Foreign Film.

WAKA,, WAKA !

It's time for the World Cup 2010!!

USA is about to take on England in a first round match up! GO USA!

I freely admit I have never been much of a sports fan but, there is something about learning more about a sport played around the world that has captured my imagination! Never understood why this sport is not popular in the US as it is in so many other countries. Well, I guess I will start checking out the USA team in the World Cup and then start following the LA Galaxy team whether they have Beckham or not!

Here's The USA Team's schedule so far:

	England	vs.			United States					-	Jun 12 11:30am (PT) on ABC
	Slovenia	vs.			United States					-	Jun 18 7:00am (PT) on ESPN
	United States	vs.			Algeria					-	Jun 23 7:00am (PT) on ESPN

In honor of the only real worldwide sport,futbol, here is Shakira doing what she does best!!

Making New Choices and Telling New Stories

The journey keeps providing me with opportunities to start "walking the walk" as they say. I decided on Monday to make my commitment to health and re-sculpting my body a major priority. So I woke up at 6 am, having breakfast and beginning a 3 mile run to my gym. When I got to the gym I pushed myself to do more sets and build up my weightlifting slowly so I can enjoy the small victories rather than let my ego dictate my progress. Afterward, I jogged back home and prepared to embrace the day with enthusiasm.

Later that night I guess the Universe decided to see if I was really no longer in need of a bully. My friend called and in his usual fashion tried to trigger me. However, I was feeling so good and not interested in being triggered. Not taking his bait he decided to go for where he thought he would be able to get me. Smoking. He asked me if I was still smoking. I told him I have been back and forth but now I am focusing on getting in shape and hoped it would lose its hold as I enjoyed working out more. He continued to tell me I would get lung cancer and die but he would not be taking care of me when I am approaching death as his "humorous" way of trying to scare me.  He kept trying to bait me. He said he feels since I have been smoking for so long that I would never be successful by focusing on exercise but should go get help. I said I am choosing right now to stop smoking and use exercise as my focus to stay on track. He argued for my failure. I told him I don't discuss my smoking with him because when  I have told him I was quitting in the past he makes jokes about how my quitting is a "joke" and when I do smoke he constantly talks of me dying. In the end, I said, my smoking or quitting is not about anyone else but me. I told him he can decide to be a friend and support my journey or he can make this about being "right". He decided to be a friend.

So what was that out-of- the-blue telephone debate my friend and I had about my smoking really about? One aspect is, it is simply the most logical next step to stop smoking if my priority is better help and re-sculpting my body. My friend bringing it up as a futile battle provided me with a means of challenging myself to get real about how committed I was to change. Normally, I would be more upset about my friend but he is irrelevant. My intuition was telling me the time is right to take this journey but with a deeper awareness of what I am doing and why I am doing it. In a strange way, I feel more empowered because things seem to be falling into place.

I am on day four of my daily run and workout sessions. I have been feeling amazing. My eating habits have also begun to change, I am shifting to 6 small meals instead of 3 big ones and will see how that affects my routine.

I also, decided to start telling a new story.  No longer will I tell the "worn out story about quitting smoking", that just keeps me in the cycle of "Will I/Won't I" fail.  After this blog post, I will be focusing on getting healthy and cigarettes have no place in the story of my healthy life.           

I must admit much of this week has been so successful because I rediscovered my I-Pod and the effect music has on me!. Having to reload I-Tunes and all of my music cds, I decided to make a three hour exercise mix of music that would motivate me.  It has been amazing! I don't think about anything but how good I feel. My favorite song has lately been "Listen" from "Dreamgirls" sung by Beyonce!  It seems to speak to where I am right now and it leaves me charged up!

I look forward to getting more and more wrapped up in my wellness routine. My biggest challenge has actually been the shift to  6 small meals.

Satisfied and Eager for More...

I have been enjoying the journey of my life this week. It would seem that as I have had my big life lessons, my intuitive nature is providing me with opportunity after opportunity to make better choices with how I am reacting to things. I have been discovering that I don't have to see situations as examples of why my life is not working but as examples of how my life IS working in alignment with who I am.

It's funny that with the experience of re-loading a variety of programs I have lost from the computer virus attack, I have been metaphorically given a "do-over". With having to assess what programs I have that I no longer really need or use or never got around to updating out of laziness opened my eyes a bit.. In having to replace my passwords, I saw what sites I relied on the computer to remember things for me and now I had to create a new password after asking for assistance for what I forgot. This time however, I decided to keep a list of usernames and passwords that I now store in my home safe on a trusty piece of paper. Sometimes "old school" just makes sense. 

Why are any of these rather mundane situations of any value? Well, I am finding my mind at peace allows for "seeing the lesson" available to me. I took a lot of things for granted with my computer and now I am seeing the value of "protecting what matters to me" and in protecting these things I honor their value and in an interesting way feel more present in the moment. I'm not coasting on auto-pilot. This has led me to look at other areas in my life where I may be coasting on "auto-pilot" and forgetting to remain present. Amazingly this is all coming from a place of non-judgement but ease of simple observation. It's as if some part of me has snapped into alignment and in doing so has started a chain-reaction of "alignment opportunities" with which to grow from without the drama of "auto-pilot" negative reactions.

The best example of this was tonight. I went over to a friend's house who I am working with on a screenwriting project. We have been "working" on it slowly but without much headway. I have just had a block with getting invested in the project with much enthusiasm. Tonight I went over and feeling in a pretty good  space with myself, I decided to stay open and not let myself fall into being "triggered" by my friend. You see, our friendship has been a bit odd with dealing with his choice to intentionally be provocitive and me falling into anger and feeling disrespected or "victimized" by his endless negativity. In the bigger picture when we get along we get along fantastically but when he is in a space of negativity and I am in a place of negativity we click into this "trigger/feel disrespected pattern".  Now I have known mentally that no one has the power to affect you unless you give them permission. I guess I never really got it pass the "mental" level. Tonight, however, I felt a little shift of understanding that may be sign that this belief is taking root somewhere deeper in me.

Tonight, instead of working on the script, we decided spontaneously to watch the original "The Karate Kid."  It was a simple thing but it was an experience that was so filled with joy. We laughed, we each found ourselves going back in time to the joy this movie held for us "back in the day" and its resonance for us even now. The acting was great, the script was so well-crafted and the direction just did what good movies do-  take you some place within yourself that allows you to "feel good" about living and see life beyond just something to get through but to be felt and lived.  Being in the place where I am having revisited childhood issues of being bullied etc., "The Karate Kid" was an amusing synchronistic opportunity to go back with the movie to that childhood time and see that as the movie expressed, so much of that "bullying/being bullied" is about learning to get in alignment with your inner self in order to find victory on your "hero's journey".

As I left my friend's house, I drove home I thought, wow, my friend and I both have allowed ourselves to get off track with what is really important in our friendship. It is the times like tonight that matter not the negativity. I thought again about "no one can hurt you without your permission" and  something in me said, I don't need to have a "bully" in my life anymore to keep re-living that old childhood pattern. (Lightbulb Moment!)

Lesson has been learned. Since I am ready to stop being a "victim" and live in my present there is no need for a bully. I made my friend that person who helped  me continue telling that old -worn out story. Now our friendship can also move in a healthier direction. The time for new stories has arrived and it is okay to embrace them. Why? I am satisfied with where I am in my life and eager to see what lies ahead.

Feeling in a place of joy, I found myself on you-tube checking out some Abraham-Hicks clips that spoke to me.       

Protect Your Computer, Protect Your Life

At the risk of sounding like I have stock in Norton Securities, I have to say I LOVE that company!!! A few days ago I got seriously attacked by some "cyber" criminals who planted a "trojan" to get my info by infecting my computer, cutting off my internet access, my "virus/spyware protection programs and sending a FAKE spyware service  for me to buy presumably to get my credit card info.

The last few days and hours have been challenging to say the least. Luckily I had a good friend who helped me to rid my computer by saving my files and installing the latest version of Norton Securities. It was literally the only thing that helped. I had to reboot the system to rewrite and allow Norton to do its thing. It took hours but thank goodness for good friends, especially those who know a lot about computers.

I find it amusing that this experience came after my big spiritual revelation and commitment to improve my connection with my Intuition.  For whatever reason, it was no coincidence!

Generally speaking, in such potentially stress-filled situations, I tend to get incredibly angry, frustrated and ready to break something. This time around, I decided to put my money where my mouth is. I said to myself OKAY... this is a good time to trust in my intuition and let this situation play itself out with the assumption that everything will be FINE. Not surprisingly, choosing to trust allowed me to THINK and not get lost in my emotions. Yes, with the help of my friend who knew more than I imagined, things worked out. It took a lot of time but I learned so much about myself and my computer.

I initially had Norton Anti-Virus protection but when it expired I explored other cheaper options which I won't mention but I will say they fell apart when the "trojan" started it's bloody assault on my computer.  I will never leave my system without Norton Securities protection again.

To say this whole cyber-stalking adventure was a fun ride would be a joke, but I really do believe everything happens for a reason. One of my life challenges has been working on trust, well this was one BIG lesson which I hopefully passed. Either way, it did help me to see that I am the one in control of how I CHOOSE to respond to the ups and downs of life.  I can choose to get angry and upset and assume life is unfair but what does that do other than raise my stress level?


I will trust that the damage has been contained and in the event some info was stolen, the best I can do is change my passwords and deal with things as they come.

It is great  to still feel good after all this drama.

Be smart folks! Protect yourselves before attacks happen. Learn from my mistakes. I did not have back ups for my computer info or even a list of my various passwords written down. And letting my best computer security protection drop to save a few bucks was not worth the risk. I am correcting all of these errors as we speak.

With all these advances in technology, it is easy to forget that we are vulnerable out here in this magical internet universe. My eyes are now wide open. Now, I am learning how to defend myself and protect what matters in my small "cyber-kingdom" with a little "magic" of my own!

 

A "Locked Door" in My Mind Has Opened

I had a profound personal revelation yesterday. I shared this with my friend Sebastian in Germany via email and I want to chronicle it here for myself as I process the meaning of it all.

My revelation... I believe in God more as "Source Energy" or that intuitive part of me that when I listen to it has always led me to joy and happiness in my life. This concept was in conflict with my catholic upbringing with the figure of God as a judgemental father figure. As a gay man I refused to see myself as a mistake so I chose to see God as my intuition and it led me joyfully across country, gave me the courage to beat out thousands of others for a place in a great acting conservatory and eventually to Los Anglees to embark on an acting career.

Not long after my arrival, I fell in love. Real love for the first time with a guy named Johnny. We were so in sync we practically finished each others sentences. We had our issues and conflicts but it was one of the most powerful experience of my life. I met him and he already had AIDS. I didn't care because something in me said I needed to know this man. We never had sex but we danced and when we danced it was like we entered a world of our own. We connected on every single level except sexually. He died 5 months before the AIDS cocktail that has made people with AIDS now live "relatively" normal if not longer lives. I was blessed that Johhny loved me enough not to risk infecting me. Although I was blinded by love, his experience of the disease saved me from that fate. Needless to say, when he died, I shut down emotionally and more specifically I shut off that connection with my intuition. I bought into that childhood catholic bullcrap that I was somehow being punished.

In recent months, I have in my journey back to acting found myself wanting to get back to that joy I felt when I trusted my intuition and life really flowed. I wrestled with the idea that my whole notion of my intuition being akin to "Source" or the God within guiding me was a fantasy I invented. Then in an email conversation I was having about spirituality, I found myself writing that I was punishing myself when Johnny died. It wasn't "God punishing me".

Suddenly I realized that I was actually the ONE rejecting "Source" or my intuition, by choosing to believe in my "Childhood Catholic view of God as punisher" over that intuitive side of myself that brought such tangible joy to my life. In many ways I wasted 14 years in varying levels of grief by cutting myself off from a belief system that worked for me. How stupid was that? No point in wasting more time beating myself about that choice. I own it. This is the journey I have chosen to take. Let's call it taking the scenic route.

Realizing all of this, I know reconnecting to my inherent intuitive nature is not actually an issue anymore. It never went away. I just wasn't listening. It is about me getting out of my own way so my life can flow with the joy I know is available to me. Time to listen. This may not seem like much to anyone else but I would rather feel connected with life than in need of approval for my life.

A lot of my fluctuating depression about my stagnant career status has come from this wrong-headed thinking. I strongly associate my life with a spiritual journey of connectedness and unity with all things. Experience has taught me that my life including (my career) works best under this way of thinking.

All of my dark times have come from buying into thoughts of others about "religion" or my career instead of trusting my gut and knowing that I have all that I need within me to create the life I want for myself. It is like a locked door just opened up in my mind. This doesn't mean life is instantly a bed of roses but it does mean I am not powerless to the winds of fate. I create my experiences by the choices I make. My intuition helps me make better choices and not choices rooted in fear.

Life is mine to co-create with the help of my intuitive nature. I'm stepping into the river of life and I can clearly see I don't need to fight the current, but go with the flow. What lies ahead is the greatest adventure yet!

Will I Be Lost Without "Lost"?

Ahh, yes... Tomorrow night one of my favorite shows, ABC's "Lost" with go off the air. I must admit I loved watching that series. I love a mystery and the writers of that show were masters at drawing out a mystery and keeping viewers on their toes. You definitely had to think and connect the dots to really enjoy the island adventure. Yeah, the story lines literally went all over the place from the distant past to alternate realities to slow character revealing flashbacks. I loved it all!

Well I guess I can survive. Actually, I am quite sure I will be a okay.

Thank God I have my very long reading list to keep my imagination stirring. There aren't too many shows out there that make you think while they entertain you with their fiction. I will miss the magic that kept me hooked. Hopefully, James Ellroy'swriting will get me hooked and anxious to read more of his novels! Okay, time to take a trip back to 1950's Los Angeles!

Feeding the Mind with Books!

I have, since my last post, been enjoying the pleasures of feeding my mind a good portion of positive energy. To start, I came face to face with my television addiction. I realized it was a bit of an addiction when I found myself vegetating in front of the television set when I have about three bookcases of books and novels which I have bought but most of which I have not read. 

One day last week I was doing a serious deep cleaning of my apartment, getting rid of junk and had the television on as company. As my apartment reached a state seldom seen- clutter free, I felt relaxed and able to really see what my place looked like. It was like taking off sunglasses and seeing the details around you. There I was in my living room with two of my three bookcases calling me. "Where have you been friend?" Instead of flipping on the television I pulled a book off the shelf and just started reading. It was as if I turned on my imagination in that deep and rich way that television does not. There was a comfort in the silence and a pleasure in feeling time slow down.

Currently I am reading two books, one is called "Grow Rich While You Sleep" by Ben Sweetland, written in 1962. Don't let the title entice you to dismiss it as one of those "self-help" books. In truth I guess it is a "self-help" book but for me it is a fascinating journey into the power of the subconscious mind and how the effective use of it can bring more joy, happiness and success into your life including whatever it is you consider riches.  In essence, it talks about  the difference between the conscious and subconscious mind, why 5% of people consider themselves a success and 95% don't.  While not everything discussed is new by any means, his emphasis is about making a choice to embrace success, being willing to work for that success and moving from wishing for success to knowing success is achievable. In the end it comes down to being honest with yourself and realizing how much time we waste wishing for things we don't bother truly working for. However, with discipline, visualization and a little positivity you can harness the power of your subconscious mind to work for you rather than against you.

The fact is we program ourselves with our belief patterns and our subconscious mind supports what we believe to be true. When push comes to shove, I would rather have my subconscious mind programmed for support, shouting "YOU CAN DO THIS!!" when I am working toward my life goals rather than those whispers of self doubt, saying " You shouldn't expect too much, you'll just be disappointed." Where did thoughts those come from? They came from me. At some point I made choice to buy into negative thoughts.

I want to erase that tape and start a new one! If I want my dreams to become a reality it first starts with me and my thinking on all levels of mind.  If I don't support myself with my thoughts in line with my goals, how can I ever expect to see results let alone enjoy the journey I am on?

My second book is "The Big Nowhere" by James Ellroy. It is a vivid fictional ride into 1950's Los Angeles. Ellroy is a "serious nut" but he writes with an amazing sense of style that sucks you in. This novel has many of the same characters as you will find in the film "LA Confidential." As this is my first foray into reading his work, I am not sure if this book takes place before or after what I saw in the film. I loved the film by the way. Hopefully, I will love this tale as well.  From what I have read so far, I am very glad to be living in Los Angeles in this decade rather than that one. It is still fun to go back in time if only fictionally.

It has been such a joy absorbing the "nourishment" of these two books alone. I can't wait to work my way through the rest of my ecclectic three bookcase library until I have read them all - feeding my mind, my imagination and inevitably my work as an actor.