If my posts over the last few days has given the idea that I am now residing in a lala land of feel good affirmations assuming life is now devoid of negativity let me clear that up right now. Let me tell you I am only too aware that life continues on now matter how many epiphanies I may have or how positive my outlook has become.
Last night I attended my Tuesday night acting group. We work on scenes to keep our skills sharp for film and television auditions. The work is put on tape for us to give one another feedback. Well, last night my work SUCKED!! Truth be told I did not put the work into my prep during the week and it showed. I get that. However, a classmate, who came to class late, did not perform himself but proceeded to "nail me to the cross" so to speak with the most hostile attack I have ever received in class without really giving feedback that would be deemed very useful. I started to get pissed, then in the back of my head I said "STOP." This has nothing to do with you. This is all about him. 
As the Universe would have it, earlier in the day I was browsing thru my favorite used bookstore, called The Illiad. While I didn't buy anything, I did pick up the book entitled The Four Agreements. I just happened to read a section that talked about not ever being upset by anything other people say to you because it is usually not about you at all, it is about them. I put the book back on the shelf and did not think about it again until the nails started being hammered in class last night.
Now, because I believe everything happens for a reason, I look on my spur of the moment trip to The Illiad and my seemingly random picking up and reading of that passage, the work of my Inner Guidance preparing me for what lay ahead. Was my experience this fabulous joyful journey of bliss? Umm... no. But as this classmate continued to spread his negativity to my other classmates throughtout the night, it was a confirmation for me that my Inner guidance was right. It had nothing to do with me at all.
Why is this significant at all? Well, I am aware, that with my former companion - fear, came a pretty negative view of life. So is it any surprise that I have attracted friends and colleagues into my life who carry their own fair share of negativity within them? Oh, did I mention that the classmate who verbally arttacked me in class is in fact my closest friend in the world? Yeah, think about that one. hahah.
However, what I am getting from this new "CEO Of My Own Life" approach are the tools and the opportunities to make different choices in how I respond to the perceived negativity I am certain to encounter in my daily life.
This, in a very concrete way, has given me a new sense of inner power to make conscious choices in my life. When class was over, I took the time to speak to my friend who knew he had pissed off every single person in the class. So, I let him know that I knew his bad attitude had nothing to do with me. I actually challenged him to look at why he feels he has the right to infect the class with his negativity when clearly we were not the cause of what was bothering him. It was so liberating to make the conscious choice to see things with a new clarity rather than allow myself to slip into old triggers that set my fears on fire! Progress, indeed.
So rest assured, I get it. Life is what it is and I am not looking to change anyone but myself. I simply want to live my life my way and no longer be the "victim of circumstance" I chose to be in the past. If my journey provides even an ounce of inspiration to others, all the better!
Come hell or high water, I will continue to build my new life, one brick at a time.
Peace.
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