After reading the few articles I have found of the seven laws of the Universe it was amazing how the application of them started to become clearer to me throughout most of yesterday. One could have called yesterday, for me, one long exercise in patience or my first conscious day long marathon "study session" of the Seven Universal Laws.
The day started with my continuing the previous day's packing up of food, clothing, and various books, etc for my donation to the San Fernando Rescue Mission. I was required to stay home because I was told in my reminder call yesterday morning that the truck would come by any time between 8 am and 5 pm. Yes, I dragged my butt up early to keep going. It was a lot of fun feeling I was helping out some other families with my stuff while clearing out my closet to make room for more good to enter my own life. Well, I got a lot of cleaning done with quite a bit more to do. I compiled about 5 boxes worth of donation material. Not bad.
I piled the boxes outside my apartment door.
This is good... Oh, wait... it is 4:35pm. Hmm, the truck hasn't gotten here yet? Let me call.
The driver is not picking up his phone when dispatch tries calling. As the woman on the other end of the phone gave this explanation, I felt this urge to let the "Bitch Within" rage against the world for having me not leave my home so I could make this donation and then not have them pick up the donation. As I started to speak almost reflexively in "bitch talk" I stopped myself and actually heard in the woman that she was already sounding embarrassed already that the driver didn't show up. And for whatever satisfaction I would derive from screaming at her, what would be the point?.
This is not the first day I didn't leave the house before 5 pm. The fact is I actually had a great morning and afternoon cleaning, sorting, and enjoying the whole donation process as I listened to hours of podcasts of "Calling Long Distance" on my computer. I was not numbing myself with the television. I was having fun in the simplest of ways and with one phone call I was almost ready to jump back into a negative vibe for no good reason at all. Thankfully, I just hung up and went back to continue my enjoyment.
But wait... The day was not over yet. Evening approached when I received a call from my best friend, YES, the friend who was so negative in my acting class on Tuesday. Well, he was in a bit of a mood and complained about a variety of things, rambled a bit about class again and then he made a suggestion. Why don't we start having brunch every Sunday in West Hollywood so we can put ourselves out there and connect more with the gay community.
Wow. Hmm, okay...
I did like the idea but I suggested we start with two Sundays out of the month instead of every Sunday. For one thing, I do my Sunday big run with my two marathon buddies and did not want to compromise the fun I have been having with that experience. Also, I was not sure I wanted to deal with potential drama EVERY Sunday. His response was to tell me that one thing that always frustrated and annoyed him about me was that considering I was one of his few gay friends that I was not willing to go do things with him in West Hollywood.
WOW! Is this guy for real?
In addition, we both needed to get out of the house and find a man before it was too late.
EXCUSE ME?!
Immediately, this went from a nice idea I was open to, to D-R-A-M-A! I stopped him and pointed out his amazing ability to take a positive fun idea and make it as negative as humanly possible. I let him know that I am not responsible for his lack of gay friends and that attempting to lay a guilt trip on me about frustrations he is having as a means of convincing me to commit to a weekly lunch date is ABSURD. I unconsciously slipped into the "Bitch mode" I refrained from earlier and let him know that he needed to get a grip on his negativity and stop making everyone else suffer for his own unhappiness. He did finally stop trying to defend himself and admitted he needed to deal with his issues.
We settled the conversation with agreeing to have brunch every other Sunday starting on the 25th and will move to lunches when the distance of my Sunday trainings increase to the longer runs.
What was that conversation but a major series of opportunities to see where I am in my journey and how many choices I have on how I need to respond to things. When I hung up I was so aware that instead of being strong in my positive state I allowed myself to slip into sync with his negative vibe. I became aware that my friend sees me as this nice but pathetic gay man who barely leaves his house to enjoy life unless it is with him so unless I am with him I must be sitting at home. Instead of being able to stay in a place of peace knowing that I actually do go out with other friends and be social, his image of me and the idea of being alone for the rest of my life hit a nerve that had me seeing red.
I saw in retrospect that I could have pointed out everything I needed to point out to him without going to a place of negativity. That will come in time but this is where I am now and that is fine. It's all about the journey.
Upon hanging up the phone I thought I would vent on my blog and lo and behold the website was down. This is when I was able to snap myself out of my anger. I was so pissed off from this nagging feeling I held onto from the phone call that when I couldn't vent I shouted,
WHAT THE HELL!!!l????
Then I started to recall the seven laws, particlaurly the law of rhythm and said to myself,
okay... let's swing ourselves into a better vibration here.
This is how I am feeling now but I can swing toward a better mood by watching something empowering.
I started surfing the web and ran across a string of youtube clips involving Abraham-Hicks and it was like taking an injection of morphene. I could very slowly feel my energy shifting to a place of peace. I watched as many clips as I could find until I literally felt so joyful, I was able to see the previous conversation as a lesson for myself on how to be more self aware of what I am choosing to feel.
My friend is clearly a mirror in some way of the negativity I am carrying around within myself. When I am able to truly not be affected by my friend's negativity and see it as his issue and not a trigger for my own, that will be a wonderful day indeed.
I think I am going to head to the gym and have some fun!
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