Marathon Madness

What the hell was I thinking?! I signed up to once again face my fears and tackle the Los Angeles Marathon. The last time I did this was 2003, I think, on the heels of my run in the Honolulu Marathon. That was SEVEN YEARS AGO!

My last LA Marathon adventure was, to say the least, a memorable experience. At mile 13, my body went a bit haywire. I walked the remaining 13.2 miles with the support of a kind friend who made sure I didn't pass out on the side of the road. All I could remember was that everything seemed brighter than I knew it should have been. As I made my way home on the redline subway, I could barely stand up. The pain from my hidden kidney problem made it unbearable to stand up straight or even get into a comfortable position for more than 2 minutes at a time.

Who knew I was running with what I would later discover was a contricted urether? Four surgeries later, with the last adding a week in the ICU of Kaiser:Sunset Hospital, and all is good as new. The doctor said I could run as many marathons as I wanted. Yet, the fear of repeating my mile 13 meltdown has made the thought of running another marathon especially the LA Marathon ridiculous! So, why the hell did I sign up for this 26.2 mile trek through Hell again? At this moment I haven't the foggiest idea.

With barely two days before the event, I think reality has set in. I have been training, on my own, and on weekends with two friends I ran "Honolulu" with that I was able to entice back. Nevertheless, reality is staring me in the face and I can't figure out why it is so important to face down this old fear and run again! I will admit the training has allowed me to regain that love of running I once had. There is nothing more calming to my over active mind than hitting that runner's high when everything seems manageable in life, if only for a few moments.  I have even found joy in getting my butt back to the gym. So, why take this journey to Hell on Sunday morning?

I know... I know... this is all just nerves. I actually am looking forward to it. I think...

I am only too aware that conquering this fear will not suddenly transform my life. It will however, if only temporarily, remind me that I CAN accomplish anything I set my mind to.I want to get back to that place where I allowed myself to dream BIG! I don't care if I have to crawl  across the finish line! Sometimes, REALITY is overrated. It is worth every step to DREAM again.